Walking the precipice...

2010-09-18T15:59:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile.

But strangely, even after the prolonged lapse,
there hasn't seemed like there's much progress in my life to be documented.

A birthday passed and I turned 24,
so has the rest of my girlfriends.

At 24, there isn't much to our name.
At best, the only thing we truly own,
the only thing to our name which we are proud to share,
is our struggles in finding a place for ourselves in the big confusing world of work.

This morning,
my brother and I went to the neighbourhood macdonald's with the boyfriend for breakfast.
Over Mcmuffins, harshbrowns, hotcakes and McGriddles
(there's nothin wrong with my grammar cos the fat brother had a Mcgriddle and a McMuffin meal),
the boys began their IT talk.

My brother is currently enrolled in an IT course at Poly with specialisation in networking,
while the boyfriend is in the realm of application, with programming at its core.
I drifted into my own world as the boys began using terms I could never understand,
and discussed concepts which are as alien to me as Greek.

It wasn't until something my brother said which brought me back to the real world.

He said, " I think after graduation, I want to go into programming. "
That is something so different from what he said some months ago when he chose his specialisation.

Then, he was all about making a name for himself doing networking,
going on and on about the prospects and how lucrative networking professionals are.

"What made you change your mind?", I asked him.

He shrugged, unable to give me an answer.

"I don't know leh, after my internship, I just felt like going into programming."

That's really interesting, how one's first experience could impact on his/ her future career path.

Sometimes, the people you've met
and your first dabble with the experience could have the strongest power to determine the road you're going to take.

Take my brother for example,
his first real industrial work experience was an internship for a small company doing programming.
And everyday after work he'll come home,
full of stories and conspiracy theories of our garmen (which I shall not share here) to share.
There would be a glimmer in his eyes,
and you could tell in the tone that he used that he has complete faith in these content.
Contents which were shared by his boss.
Every one in my family could tell he had a good boss whom he fully admires, idolise even.

His boss, is one of those rare kind.
The type who is willing to take the time off
to patiently guide and impart knowledge to empty vessels like my brother.
The kind who believes in the best in people.

My brother in turn,
felt a sense of motivation he never had before,
and I believe transpose that feeling onto the job and the industry
because it was an unbelievable experience.

Given that he had no real experience in the other fields of IT,
and with the limited knowledge he has in programming,
his curiosity and desire to explore more in that regard is understandable.

Similarly, my first real job upon graduation was in the asset management industry.
Then, I had a awesome boss who showed me the ropes
and started laying the building blocks of knowledge in the empty vessel that was me.

Honestly, Finance was my weakest subject in school.
Hell, I barely passed at 39 marks (35 was the passing mark).
And here I am, right smack in a financial institution co-managing a suite of products,
when I am clueless about financial implications, figures, ratios, terms and what they mean.

Yet when I was looking for a second job,
this was the only industry I was really interested in.
And here I am,
looking to take up further studies in this dog-eat-dog world of Asset Management,
where I can't even understand derivatives,
and the time value of money as well as the risks of financial products.

You'll be surprised how big a difference some people could make in the lives of others.
How inspiring they can be.
Or on the flipside, how they could make a person decide to forever stay away.

I have a friend who used to work for a multi national company straight after graduation.
Having stayed there for more than a year,
she finally quit.
And because of her experience there, she headed into public service.
It was a complete loss of faith in MNCs, that she experienced.
Because of her bosses,
she believed that there is nothing else in MNCs but exploitation.

She believed management is screwed, selfish, and lacking transparency.
She believed she could never beat politics to survive in MNCs.
That wasn't how she thought work should be.

Almost always,
life surprises us by taking turns we would never expect.
Who is to say which is the best way to embark on our first step into society?
We were always asked what we wanted to be when we were younger.
But do you remember what you wanted to be when you were younger?
You would probably ask me back, " At which stage in life were you referring to?"

My point is, noone really knows what we want to be.
And sometimes, it takes a few wrong turns for us to find the right one
if we're lucky.
If we're not, we might never find the right one.
But so what if we never found a job we truly liked to do?
It could be miserable stuck doing something you realised you hate,
but you see, there's always the option to change.

And all that is required of us,
is just the courage to take that first step onto that path of discovery.
You never know until you try,
and life is just too short to be wasted on worrying about the "what ifs".

2010-07-14T13:22:00.002+08:00

Been so well-fed lately I could hardly move.
That's why I've been missing!

Lately it gets harder and harder to muster the same enthusiasm towards life as before.
Sometimes it even feels like there isn't much left to look forward to.
We wake up every weekday morning, go to work, go home, sleep.
We wake up every weekend morning, go out, go home, sleep.
Before we knew it, Monday is here again and the week goes on as before.

Working life isn't as great as I thought it would be.
Holidays it seems, is the only sparkle that punctuates the monotony of adulthood.

I need more excitement, and more more holidays!

2010-04-07T21:45:00.008+08:00

As I tapped out of the security gates at noon,
there was the boyfriend smiling at me from across the lobby of my office.

He was in office wear.

“你不是 on leave 吗？特地穿office wear来啊？所以今天security没有用怪怪的眼神看你了啦？"

Sheepishly, he told me

“没有。。。拿不到因为今天有meeting"

His reply wasn't what I expected and I just stared at him in stunned silence.

"不要紧的啦。达cab很快的吗。”

"而且我舍不得pang seh你。”

For your info,
the boyfriend works all the way up in the mountains at Boon Lay,
while I slave away at Raffles Place

As he speared his fingers through mine
and led me towards the restaurant he picked out for lunch,
I felt the familiar urge to cry.

The boyfriend's getting better and better at moving me.

Well, I guess it isn't really the things he does.
Clearly, he isn't the creative or romantic sort
who will shower me with surprises and beautiful words.
It's more of how he thoughtfully does the simple things,
how he places my happiness before his convenience.

Sometimes, it's the simplest things that say the most.
Because at the end of the day,
all a woman wants from a man is just that - for him to genuinely care.

只要他们真心的在乎我们，
那就是幸福了。

I'm not naive enough to believe that all this would last.
Then again, I'm also not jaded enough to not feel anything.

Just let me be a girl for awhile,
and indulge in a little willful joy,
however temporary it might be.

2010-04-03T12:56:00.002+08:00

Have definitely been out playing too much,
eating too much,
spending too much,
and sleeping too little.

My old brittle bones and bank account are complaining.
Why is the 15th of April taking so bloody long to come?

I am so gonna stay home and do nothing but eat and sleep tomorrow.

2010-03-17T15:20:00.005+08:00

To reward myself, today I indulged in....

Passion Fruit Ai-Yu

Gritting my teeth during those painful months
in the worst local bank finally paid off.
Although something tells me that I'm merely
jumping from one political shit hole to another,
well at least I'm paid better for enduring the shit in this hole.
It finally feels like there's some progress in my life.

Come next week,
I'm going to start slaving my life away again.

Vacation's over!

Truth be told, I'm just extremely relieved that I'm out of unemployment.

2010-03-16T09:37:00.002+08:00

When I complained that I never received any sweet good night messages from the boyfriend,
he was exasperated.

"Nowadays where got people send template messages anymore? Besides, ur boyfriend not good looking, nobody send him de. Go where find?"

- silence from my end of the phone

"K lah K lah, u don't off ur hp yet ah, let me go think of something"

A few minutes later, my handphone beeped and this came in...

To girlfriend,

As u go to bed tonight,
I ordered bats to guard u tight.
I told some ghosts to dance in white,
and to make sure that u're alright,
I'll ask dracula to kiss ur neck tonight.

I think the boyfriend could have done pretty well,
if he studied literature.

2010-03-09T12:20:00.002+08:00

Just when I thought some weight could be shed from the events over the weekend,
- Demanding pole 3 class Fri night
- Amore Women's Day Out on Sat evening
- OCBC Cycle 20Km Sunday morning

Fate twisted in remarkable ways which dashed all my grand plans
- Famous King Crab feasting Sat night
*smiles in remembrance of the taste of salted egg yolk
- Dim Sum Brunch with the cycling kakis after 20km on pedals
- Sakura buffet on yesterday

*Looks down at the bulging tummy
which is already too big for my non-existent boobs to block from view.

No better time to regain my diminished stamina in preparation for the Adidas Sundown.
Let's start small with 3km for the evening jog
and a solid pole practice later in the night!

Note to zee -
START RUNNING. No more 1.5hrs for 10km. It's embarrassing!!

2010-03-04T14:57:00.003+08:00

It's been more than 2 weeks since I joined the unemployment stats.
Sometimes I wonder if all this waiting is worthwhile.

Then again, I think of what I have to lose versus what I've to gain potentially,
and I think,

I should just go on waiting.

Besides, this gives me more excuses to watch more online dramas, cartoons, and finish that god-damn book I've been reading.

Reading.
That's an old-time pleasure I realised I've been missing for sometime now.
I recall my difficulty when completing some of the employment application forms,
especially those that requires me to state my hobbies.
Or you know, some interviewers would actually ask "what do u do in ur free time"

And I realised, since I've started working, free time is something I never had anymore.
Emails, new MAS guidelines, prospectus, annual reports, deadlines,
are all I've been reading and worrying about.
I stopped running, I stopped swimming, I stopped reading.

It felt like the only past time I've had was eating.

Although life is lacking some of its necessary meaning and pressure for me now,
I'm honestly enjoying myself.

I do feel rotten sometimes, that I'm doing nothing
except diminishing the figures in my bank account,
but then, at the end of the day,

I know that I'll be fine.

I know that I'm waiting for something worthwhile.
And even if that something fails to materialise and I'm disappointed in the end,
it's alright.

Because I know that I've done all that I can.
No regrets.

Most people do not realise it,
but regrets are often more painful than failures to deal with.

With failure, the only course of action is to pick yourself up and move on.
But with regrets, come the baggage of wondering, of not knowing,
of beating urself up with the "could have beens"

Last weekend, I had tea with a bunch of friends I've not met for a long time.
While we updated one another with our lives,
a friend shared that he's applied for a flat with his partner.

That friend of mine,
he's a special one.
Incredibly down to earth, simple, good guy, dependable, with a sense of humour.
A perfect family man who can be trusted to be a good husband and father.
Someone who always makes plans, has plans,
and is determined to stick it out to achieve his desired goals.
I suppose, he's every woman's dream to walk into the sunset with.
Sadly, most women don't realise such men are that rare
until after having lived a few years more,
met a few assholes more.
And when she finally realises what a gem she has thrown away,
it's often too late.

You know what they say about timing, about the moment,
it's true.
There's only one chance when it comes to the important things in life.
U slam the door in its face and all u'll get to live with is the bitterness of regret.

So I'll wait.
It might seem like I'm putting my life on hold and wasting precious time,
but I see it as only putting one aspect of my life on hold.
Career is important, but so are the other aspects of my life,
which I'm takin this time to catch up on.

It's really not that bad afterall.

And she asked,
" Did it cross your mind that if things were different,
it could've been u who's waiting for that flat with him today?"

2010-03-02T14:17:00.000+08:00

And I could not ask for more

2010-02-23T13:15:00.003+08:00

With eyes plastered excitedly on my pc screen on a Tuesday afternoon,

I can't believe I'm so happily occupied
watching X-Men cartoons online at 1pm on a Tuesday afternoon.

X-Men revolutions is crap.
A true blue 90s kid would never abandon the original,
albeit slightly grainy cartoon with the outdated costumes
for the more modern but overly polished version.

It gives me unexplainable pleasure, and comfort
just watching those cartoons I used to religiously chase when I was a kid.

Just let me indulge that kid in me.

2010-02-19T14:17:00.002+08:00

The boyfriend, "Next time swimming pool no need life guard liao"
Me, "Why?"

The boyfriend, ''Got u mah. U got 3 floats around ur waist anyway. Anyone drown, u just throw lor. 1st layer meant for elderly, 2nd layer for kids, then the last layer for adults"

他妈的.

2010-02-17T13:47:00.003+08:00

I really don't like parrot man (PM).
And I think my dislike is very well justified.

Put it this way,
if PM falls into the sea,
I'll gloat by the shore for 2 seconds,
but I'll still jump in after PM because I really don't hate PM so much tt I want PM dead.

However, given a choice,
I wouldn't want anything to do with PM.

I don't wanna talk to PM
I don't wanna see PM
Not unless there's a big group of my friends with me,
in conversation with PM.

Good heavens.

I think someone must have mistakenly put amino acid into that pea brain of PM's,
when it was EQ and intelligence they were originally seeking.

Let's just say that I believe in karma
and I'll be dying to watch karma bite PM in the huge flabby ass.

2010-02-08T21:06:00.002+08:00

I totally realise how small the world is when I was out with the boyfriend yesterday.

It was the 3rd time I ran into Kimchi's girlfriend, Bibimbab
the 2nd time I ran into galpal,
and the 1st time I ran into Mr LL.

And all at the same place.

I can't describe it,
it's like some cosmic powers at work,
that made us all occupy that space,
at that same time.

It's a really weird feeling.

At that moment,
I believed there must be a greater force at work out there.
And at that moment, no no,
make that even now,
I can't help thinking that someone somewhere out there,
must be trying to tell me something,
but the dumb me just couldn't seem to get the message.

And today,
coincidence happened again.
I ran into my ex boss and her brother while I was randomly meeting some friends for lunch.

It's a really strange feeling but

This is just too many coincidences to make it a COINCIDENCE.

But oh well,
maybe I'm just a really strange girl who entertains too many strange thoughts.

2010-01-25T22:29:00.002+08:00

Last Monday, a good friend and I attended the most yummilicious wedding dinner yet.
Ironically, it is also one whereby I felt the most melancholic.

As the bride walked down the aisles,
her eyes darted uncertainly left and right.
It was as if she was silently seeking assurance from everyone that she has made the right decision.

She is only 21.

And if what I've heard is true,
it was a commercial marriage.

The lightings were good.
The music was young, as young as the couple.
And everything, from the food, the settings, the speeches,
they were all pretty much flawless and planned out.
You could tell how much effort went into the preparation.

Yet the more prepared it was,
the sadder I felt.

I couldn't help feeling
that all that preparation was just a facade to make up for what was truly lacking.

Superficiality was a veil that blanketed the whole atmosphere.
From the smiles,
and the almost malicious intent in the conversations at the table,
it was almost unbearable.

When I toasted the groom the vile glass of drink,
I was genuinely toasting him.
For it takes a lot of courage to believe that their marriage would work,
I feel that deserves my utmost admiration.

I didn't speak to the bride even though I was a guest of hers.
I just couldn't.

Not because I felt I owed a sense of loyalty to her ex,
but because as a woman,
I just couldn't bring myself to lie to her that I'm happy for her.
Yet also as a woman,
I couldn't bring myself to tell her things
that I think no woman deserved to be told on her wedding day.

So I chose to keep my silence,
and put food into my mouth,
rather than let the words come out of it.

I spoke to her ex a few days after,
and I think both of us agreed that the groom must have loved her deeply.

For a relationship that caused so much hurt to someone,
for a marriage that is so deliberately planned out,
I hope that he loves her enough for the two of them.

2010-01-24T17:28:00.003+08:00

As I was checking my email, I saw this reply from the boyfriend:

Dear silly girlfren,

Haha. Below shall be an analysis for ur horoscope: mine (comments) in blue!

CANCER - The Beauty - hmm.. more of a sweetie lah. ha.
> MOST AMAZING KISSER.. -no wonder i'm feeeling amatuer this few times..

Very high appeal - true, else i will not have chosen silly girl

. A Cancer's Love
> is one of a kind.. Very romantic.. Most caring person you

> will ever meet in your life -haha, ok.. true to some extent.. credit to the herbal tea

. Entirely creative Person,
> most are artists

and insane, -this one fully agreed, the author for this horoscope is xiang huh? very zhun leh.

respectfully speaking. They
> perfected sex and do it often. - ORH. Noted. HAHA.

Extremely random. An
> Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of
> the party. Most Cancers will take you under their wing and

> into their hearts where you will remain forever. - the horoscope author is cancerian oso huh? say until got dragon got tiger leh haha. k i choose to believe.

Cancers
> make love with a passion beyond compare.

Spontaneous. - ok this word looks familiar... ha.

Not
> a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to

> it. Someone you should hold on to! - yes. surely. =)

12 years of bad luck if
> you do not forward.

regards, boyfren

The boyfriend's turning out to be a pleasant surprise.
And of all the wrongs in my life,
I'm glad to see that I've at least got one thing right.

So last Friday marks the official day
that I made the momentous decision not to extend my contract.
That effectively makes me a part of the 2010 Q1 unemployment statistics.

Although a part of me feels a deep regret
that all the effort and time I've spent for the past 6 - 7 months went unrequited,
a larger part of me felt a deeper relief at throwing off these incessant chains.

I'm starting anew again.

The thought of having to go through the whole painful process of
thoroughly going through job searches one by one,
sending out resumes one by one,
researching companies for interviews and
attending these interviews,
suffering through the hopes to disappointment - all over again....

*Screams in frustration*

But when I look at what is in front of me had I stayed on,
all I saw was a pitch black bleakness.
I gave my word to my ex boss that I would give my best during my stay,
and I kept my word.
I spent a damn 6 months of my life slogging away
and I think I've already kept more than my fair share of the bargain.

It was an exciting roller coaster ride.
And I dare say that despite the short time I've spent in the worst local bank,
I've seen and endured more than what my other fresh grad peers have.
I cannot remember how many times I've cried myself silently to sleep, over work,
and how many times I woke up in sweat in the middle of the night, over work,
not to mention the number of sleepless nights I've suffered, over work.
Contractors are not supposed to carry this much burden,
nor feel that responsible towards their work.

I don't think it's unreasonable to say that I've 1 year working experience
given the things I've seen,
and the people (or monsters) I've met.

I remember about a month back,
my ex boss said to me that she finally saw the light amid all the drama that unfolded.

She told me that some things happen for a reason,
and usually we won't be able to see that until much later.
For her, she would have continued to slog her life away
without realising the magnitude of the things she has been unconsciously giving up.

For me, had the incident not happened,
I would probably be on the way to building a career right now.
There would be some OT, some burnt weekends, a fierce drive to succeed,
and work would probably be all that consumed me.

And then 10 years down the road, I would probably end up like my ex boss,
stabbed and framed and suddenly,
when faced with the light of day,
no longer remember or know what you're fighting for.

But the incident did happen, and things change.
The boyfriend told me that he knows how big an impact
the departure of my ex boss made to me,
but he's glad nonetheless.
Because otherwise, he wouldn't have had the chance he needed.

When I look back at my unpredictable life,
I see the volatility of many ups and downs
that's comparable to equities performance I dare say.
Unfortunately, my downs stood out more than the ups.
And naturally, I was alot more affected by the downs than the ups.
But when I look back at every pit that I've been in,
I see a strong recovery thereafter.
Take my disastrous A's for example,
I made up for it by outperforming in Uni.
But just like equities,
they are meant for strategic rather than tactical investments.
In the long run, they usually yield good returns.

So I think, I'll be just fine.
My life may be a little derailed at the moment,
but I'll make it back on course,
eventually.

2010-01-10T14:13:00.002+08:00

He said,
" You know, I'm not just here to have fun with. I could share your troubles with you too. "

He didn't see me tear as I bury my head against his chest in silence.

How can I tell him that the thing that's making me the most miserable is that
being with him is making me feel so alone in a way I've never felt before.
That I'm having the door that's always opened for me
slammed in my face so suddenly
and no matter how hard I knock or push,
it doesn't feel like I could go back in again.

I've never had the desire to really let someone be a part of my life before.
But I've always thought that it should be quite a wonderful experience,
provided that someone doesn't turn out to be an asshole and hurt not just you,
but everyone else you love.

You see, you can't just expect to bring someone into your life,
and into the lives of people you love,
let them accept his presence,
and expect them to remain unaffected when he eventually leaves.
At that point,
I finally understood why some people would rather not officiate their relationship.

The consequences that come with the acknowledgement is just so painful to deal with.

I would have thought that the people who love me
would have wanted to know every significant thing that's happened to me.
And on my end,
I would have thought that it would have been a very happy experience to share that.

My mum stays up until I get home to grill me about my dates.
We giggle together like little girls whenever I share interesting details with her.
My brother teases me constantly about when he could start extorting the boyfriend for money.
In which, I always tell him, "Soon, soon".
My colleagues would excitedly dish me advice and suggestions over our 2hr lunches
and we'd laugh till we cry over their ridiculous stories and creative ideas.
His friends ask him about me even though I've never known about their existence.
His brother whom I've never uttered a word to,
surprised and moved me
when he remembers me enough to buy me souvenir from his Malacca trip.

It makes me envious hearing how he has such an easy time integrating me into his life.

Ultimately, it just feels good to know that the people you hold so dear all your life
are happy for you,
that they are accepting and supporting you in your exploration
of this adventure you've never had the courage to embark on before.

Sometimes it's just a badly needed re-assurance,
especially when I've never believed in men and relationships.

And I wonder,
why is it that I can't share all that with you
when we've always shared everything else in our lives?

2010-01-06T23:41:00.002+08:00

SGD 144 yesterday, 8 more weeks of intense bruises coming up.

Level 2 here I cooooooommmmmmeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-27T18:44:00.008+08:00

男人对女人说他送她九朵 champagne roses 是有意思的。
因为 champagne roses 想说的就是
“相信我”

As I stepped out of the shower, my mum returned from her NTUC trip.
I could see the excitement dancing in her eyes.

"Eh u noe ah, there's an idiot downstairs with a bunch of flowers don't noe waiting for which 美女 from our block eh. "

"Really ah? Cute not?"
"Quite cute eh. Decent decent de. 我的菜。"

"Huh. Waiting for me de lor."

"HAHAHA!!!Bullshit la you."

I finished slapping on my day moisturiser.

"Where you going?"

"Collect my flowers"

I smiled,
grabbed my keys and omnia and left the house.

A wise woman kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left.
但是再这样下去，
女人真的会开始笨笨相信。

2009-12-13T20:39:00.003+08:00

Let's just say that the person who invented the term
"Friends with benefits"
is an absolute genius.
And Philophobia,
a terminal illness.

A friend played a psychological quiz with me last night.
And it turns out, my priorities in life are as follows:

Friends, money, family, love, career.

Sadly, at this very moment,
it very much describes me.

Sometimes you just get so used to being alone,
even two becomes a crowd.
And commitment,
it becomes a promise that you just can't afford.

2009-12-06T00:49:00.003+08:00

Last night I told my hairdresser that I took up pole dancing because times are bad and I needed a part-time job to supplement my income.

"Pole dance is a highly sought after skill now. Easy for me to find part-time. You know lar, times are bad."

She froze, her scissors in mid-snip.

"Really ah?"

I burst out laughing and I swear I saw her heave a sigh of relief.

"You ah, I think you open a club better lah. Why dance for pple? Eh, Cool leh! Imagine when customers ask, where's your boss? Your staff will point up at the ceiling, "There. Wanna talk to her? Climb up first" "

She thinks too highly of me.
If I ever managed to climb up to the ceiling,
it would look more monkey-ish than sexy.

All my life I've been following the crowd.
Because everyone wants to get into EM1,
I try my darndest to stream myself there.
Because everyone says JC is good,
I got myself there too.
I used to keep long hair because,
well,
girls are supposed to have long hair and guys are supposed to have short hair.

But as I got older,
I began to realise that my very regular life is missing just that bit of fun and spontaneity.
I think sometimes, we just got to cut ourselves some slack,
throw caution to the wind
and just have a little craziness in our otherwise monotonous little lives.
No point living life like a mad dash towards the end of a marathon,
when that end is just an eternal sleep anyway.

Although pole dancing will never be in the Olympics games,
and it doesn't add value to my resume,
I just get a kick out of seeing myself through the full-length mirror
behaving in that outrageously vixen manner
and spinning naughty tricks on a long, shiny pole.

Priceless.

Look, even the ugly bruises I sustained brings a silly smile to my face.
Just like scars on a men,
these bruises are marks of achievements I tell you!!!!

I'm pretty sure my eyes light up when I talk abt my pole.
And really, trust me,
once you start working,
you'll come to realise that throughout all your teenage life,
all the efforts you've been putting in at school is just so you could earn a certificate,
to slog the rest of your life away at a meaningless desk for a meaningless purpose.
You'll begin to yearn, to need these little sparks to remind you that
you're not some pathetic living dead,
that you're still really, very much alive.

As the end of pole 1 draws near,
I'm certain I'll be signing myself up for pole 2.
In addition, I might just throw in exotic dance for additional flavor.
Until it ceases to inspire this passion in me,
I'd be spending my money at jitterbugs.

Damn it.
I'm beginning to think that
I must have been one of those slutty Victorian blonde hookers in my previous life.

2009-12-03T10:29:00.001+08:00

Last night I did something I thought was impossible.
I sprained my toes -_-!!

No heels for the next few days.
Damn!

2009-11-29T18:20:00.003+08:00

A disillusioned friend shared this provocative thought the other night

Feelings of love is primary to a woman looking for a relationship
only when she is below the age of 20.
For women above 20, it is everything but.

Naturally, some would think that women grow materialistic as they age.
I would think it is unfair to think of materialism as a cause in itself and blame women for it.

At sixteen,
rampaging hormones and the belief that we're young and infallible reign supreme.
Those are the innocent times when we still believe in fairytales,
where the stories that mothers tell are still fresh in our minds.
That as long as we're good, we'd meet our prince charming
the one deserving guy we'd fall deeply in love with and live happily ever after.

So we search for said prince with all the idealism and hope bubbling in us.
Excitement and the tiggles just spill over and there we have it,
our first impressions of love.

The emotion we all searched for when we're naive as a pig at sixteen.

Over the years, as we've shed our fair share of tears,
seen our fair share of broken hears,
we'd realised that,
that feeling we've been looking for,
really isn't that great afterall.

It doesn't last,
it doesn't make up for anything.
Was it really that good to warrant all these sacrifices?
Was it worth all that pain and tears?

So over time,
women grow.
We studied, we worked.
And with that comes money, and with money,
liberty.

That power to do almost everything our hearts desire.
That power to be that dependent source to shower ourself with all the things we deserve.

Women would begin to realise that there are some things in life that are truly rewarding.
Where the amount of efforts put in would result in an equivalent harvest at the end of the day.

We learn to love ourselves and not expect that elusive emotion to be showered on us.

Until gradually,
we become so comfortable taking care of ourselves that we just can't let anyone else in anymore.
Until loving someone else other than ourselves become such an unfamiliar emotion,
it's almost like a stranger.
A stranger that we used to know,
that we're now afraid off,
that we're not sure if we want to, or if we're capable of embracing anymore.

With age, we'd realise that really, nothing lasts forever.
Priorities change, and love,
is better experienced as a recipient than a giver.

So then my friend,
if we can't be sure of how long the person's love would last,
why shouldn't we choose the one who could give us the kind of love which is of a better quality?

The kind of relationship that is more suitable for the lifestyle
we've worked so hard to build for ourselves?

If emotions and feelings will eventually fade,
why shouldn't we base our evaluation on more practical aspects instead?

And if we unexpectedly got more than that,
Then that's a bonus.

2009-11-15T23:23:00.002+08:00

A friend commented a few days ago that she hates it that I "heeheehaha" away in front of people
and then go home and talk to myself aka blog my true feelings.

Am I doing this again?

Well....
I think I express myself better in writing than in words.

Penning stuff down clears my thoughts and brings my views across better.
And sometimes,
it is the silence of the night that inspires the thoughts.

I wouldn't want to impose the boredom of my sad life on friends too,
especially when it's so rare to meet up.
Spoiling the mood of gatherings with my gripes about work is the last thing I want to happen.

But aside from all that,
I think the main reason is that
seeing honest people at the end of a long week of facing hypocrites is such a cherished,
long forgotten experience that,

it just simply makes me profoundly happy.

I don't know if you guys knoe it, and it's useless if you don't!!!

I guess what I'm trying to say is,
despite the impression of distance I give to alot of you,
you all mean something to me.

So dear friends,
please know that I cherish you.

Every single one of you.

No matter if I knew you from
NYJC, ZHSS, SIM, KTV sessions, *Hub, shake leg make merry sessions, the worst local bank, or the 3rd August 2007 chalet, etc etc.

If I'm still meeting you,
I cherish you.

Yes, it's as simple as that.

2009-11-07T12:20:00.003+08:00

Last night while I was on my way home,
there was a couple two steps ahead of me on the escalator.

The boyfriend smiled adoringly at the girlfriend while she spoke.
When she turned away and looked ahead,
the boyfriend started digging his nose.

And oh my god.
He wasn't just discreetly swiping away,
he stuffed his whole pointer finger in and dug AROUND.
And yes I do mean AROUND because he dug till he has to distort his FACE.

The girlfriend said something and he paused to listen, bending his head to her.
She finished, he smiled.

And they both turned to look ahead.
Then, in a very familiar gesture, he absently ran his hand through her hair.

Yes, that same hand that was FROLICKING in his nostrils just moments ago
was RUNNING THROUGH HER HAIR.

I pray to heavens that galpal never dug her nose before running her hand through my hair.....

2009-10-27T15:03:00.002+08:00

Sawadeekaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Because when my big boss asked my colleague for her review of me,
she said

"I think you need to give her a raise. She needs to buy more clothes. Else Finance can't work when she looks naked from where they sit."

So I'm back from the land of ka-khun-ka with new clothes,
new shoes,
new bags,
new HAIR,
new NAILS,
new vocabulary - c'mon bk folks repeat after me ka-khun-kaaaa!!!!
and a stomach full of 5 days worth of shit.

Not to mention a new MC too.

Yes, proud to say I've finally been to bangkok this time.

Thai-non-khao-san!!!!

Told you I had new vocabulary.

2009-10-10T12:56:00.003+08:00

The new COO from HK wants Retail to manage our time and distributors' expectations,
so that Compliance has 4-5 days turnaround time to review our materials.

She must be crazy.

Which fund house can survive with a compliance turnaround time of 4-5 days?

Is this a valid reason we could give the authorities if our regulatory reporting is late?

Seriously, we work our asses off till 11pm almost everyday,
while compliance gets off on the dot at 6.
Just because the Compliance Head was asked to leave,
does that justify the complaints filed against Retail that we're giving her too much work?
Should we commit to their turnaround time,
it could only be done if we clock even longer hours.
Since you can't delay the regulators, and your clients,
the only way out is to shorten our own turnaround time.

If you can't cope, leave.
Quit scheming and bitching behind people's back and maybe you'll get more work reviewed.

Pregnancy is no longer an acceptable excuse for your non-existent work performance.

2009-09-21T23:00:00.002+08:00

最近听了两位朋友的伤心事
让我忍不住替他们感到心痛。

人不都就是这样吗？
在被伤害之前都会毫不保留地用真心地去对待一个人。
所谓once bitten twice shy.

我可以理解为什么人会这样子。
可是若这样，
对后来的人公平吗？

话又说回来，
男人不就是犯贱。
好好的一个好女人放在面前，
偏偏就是连看都不看一眼。
眼里就偏偏只有心机女。

既然这世界是这个样子，
男人又有什么资格责怪女人呢？

2009-09-19T11:35:00.001+08:00

Little things that made my day at the end of a usual long work week.

1) My mentor gave me a little box on Wednesday
with a post it stuck on (so office, post-it!) that says simply:
Thank you for working so hard.

6 simple words almost drove me to tears.

2) Seeing my girlfriends on Thur for lunch

Although I see them almost every weekend,
I can't help feeling that I've been spending less time with them
ever since the nightmare started on 16th August.

3) My big boss looked at me in surprise and said in the middle of a TC on Friday
"That's a really good question."

5 words, and I instantly stopped feeling stupid and inadequate.
To be honest, I've been having alot of self-doubt lately.
All these hours that I've been putting in, is it really because there's so much work to do?
Or am I just incompetent?
Sometimes I can't help feeling that the team could be better off
if they let me go and replaced me with someone with prior experience in the fund industry.

4) A call that left me in pleasant surprise.

It's been so long since the last time a person actually called to ensure that I'm safely home when I didn't return an sms. It's a nice change from the usual treatment I get from friends since everyone seems to think that I'm independant and strong enough to take care of myself.

And oh yes, how can I forget this?
5) The arrival of my scheming beauty masks from Taiwan just this morning.

老女人要保养! 保养！！
If there's something I learnt from inventory control from my uni life
that I'm applying diligently in my everyday post-grad life,
it's stock re-ordering point.
And mine is at 10 pieces,
to ensure that I'll never be faced with a shortage,
and where holding costs are kept to a minimum.

Alright, back to funds, funds and more funds.

2009-09-12T14:45:00.002+08:00

It's almost been a month of late night camping in the office
and I foresee that things are not set to improve until the headcount gets replenished.
That said, I've gotta admit that I'm almost used to it already.

I've even got accustomed to communicating with the Frenglish speaking Luxembourg custodian.
I think my Singlish and his Frenglish has found a way to meet each other in the middle.

It's true you know,
what they say

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

Having survived in the subsidiary of the worst local bank for the past month has definitely made me more resilient.

No way am I gonna sit quietly while the compliance bitch fires arrows at me anymore.
I catch them, light them up with a match, and return them with doubled the magnitude.

Yes, I've learnt.

I bloody well know that everything comes with a price,
including this seemingly endless slogging that I'm putting myself through.

Occasionally, I do wonder if the sacrifices I've made are worthwhile.
But when I think again,
noone ever knows at the point in time they made the sacrifices if they are worthwhile.
You'll only know when they are realised.
Unfortunately, life doesn't work like the futures in the Indian market,
where they are required to be realised daily against the NAV.
Most of the time,
life is like the other markets in the world where gains will only be realised once the position is closed.

I do not know if these things I've given up will eventually be for nothing.
I may very well lose all my capital in the short term.
But like funds, as long as you keep it in for the long term, you'll eventually gain.

I believe that as long as I'm willing to grit my teeth and hang in there,
even if I don't get the recognition in this current shithole,
I'll get my due rewards in time to come, from somewhere else.

Work and my pay sucks to the core right now.
But the exposure and things I pick up from this trying period,
they're priceless.

2009-08-22T12:49:00.002+08:00

Without fail,
I break down every time I hear that familiar voice,
calming advising me patiently how to overcome the various emergencies.
Without fail,
I break down every time I see her name appear in my inbox
with an encouraging sms to keep me going.

In a way, it feels as though she's never left although she isn't physically here anymore.
That's why I stubbornly continued keeping her name in all my emails
although I know she'll never read them ever again.
Everyone knows, but they let me go on with this little habit of mine.
I guess they are just being kind, leaving me this little comfort in the midst of all these chaos.

I try not to call her more than once everyday.
But you see,
she's the water hose I need to fight the fire that's threatening to engulf me.

My friend always tells me that no one is indispensible.
I used to believe that strongly
(probably because I've never met someone capable enough to make me think otherwise),
but it gets harder to hold onto that belief with each day that passes lately.
I have always regarded adversity as a tool to enhance human capabilities.
After all, people only discover new strengths after they've been pushed past their limits.
Because there's no other choice but to cope.
And human beings, all living things in fact, have this thing called survival instinct.
You have to survive so you try and survive whatever's thrown at you.
You may have to endure alot of shit along the way,
and you may have suffered alot of scars along the journey,
but however you do it,
whatever happens,
you'll manage in the end.
This is a natural process which is why no one is indispensible.

The organisation won't collapse without you.
They'll probably at best suffer a bit here and there,
reputation wise, business wise....
But it'll all pass after some time.
Organisations are afterall immortal,
possessing the impossible advantage of having a limitless suppy of time on their side.

But humans are unfortunately not so.
And I am really tired, mentally and physically so.
I can't go on indefinitely fighting internal and external wars everyday
with the warring time starting earlier and earlier and ending later and later.
I need a longer ceasefire so I can sleep, eat and drink water.

It's just not humanely possible to continue like this for a prolonged period of time.
At least for me, I can't.

A week like this has already encouraged aggressive horizontal growth,
and my already bad complexion to deteriorate further.
To continue on like this will really give me
the unwanted free insurance that I'll be left on the shelf!

一整天强忍着的委屈，
总会在听到那熟悉的声音时化成温热的泪水。

一整天努力建立起的坚强，
也总会在那一刻顿时破碎。

我从来就不是一个软弱，遇到困难就轻易放弃得人。
但这样子一整天都在打战的日子，
这样子每天都得至少哭一次来发泄的日子，
我真的不知道自己还能撑多久。

2009-08-16T21:40:00.001+08:00

For the first time in my life, I thought my prayers were answered.
For the first time in my life, I was looking forward to a smooth sail.
Naively, I thought that it would be enough as long as I work hard.

Although I landed a job that pays me peanuts,
I had a to-die-for boss,
who gives me abundant opportunities to learn,
who puts me in contact with all the important people,
and who shows me the ropes with unparalleled patience.
I have wonderful colleagues who doesn't see teaching me as a chore,
who consoles me for my mistakes before working their asses off to try to fix it for me.

To me, these are the important things that drive me, that keeps me going.
These are the sources of strength that propels me to wake up at 6.15am in the morning,
to work till the figures don't make sense anymore before I reluctantly retire to bed.
These are the people I work my ass off for,
because I want to exceed their expectations.
So I threw everything I have into my work for them.

I believe in fair meritocracy.
I believe that people aren't blind.
I believe that as long as you work hard, you'll be rewarded duly.

Unfortunately, things don't work that way in the real world.
They say that ethics is of utmost importance in a banker.
Good bankers are supposed to be upright.
Good bankers are supposed to be accountable for their actions.
And I thought only good bankers rise to the top.
But apparently,
the real world really isn't that different from dramatic Hongkong serials.
Good doesn't always triumph over evil.
People at the top aren't necessarily fair, upright individuals.
And you realise,
those aren't exactly the qualities people gotta have in order to make it to the top.

Ruthlessness,
Rationalism, and
Reputation are the three Rs that really matter in business.

And from tomorrow onwards,
I'm going to have to grow up and start to really work hard
for none other than
myself.

2009-06-28T22:42:00.002+08:00

If not for the bak chor mee soup,
it really isn't worth traveling all the way there.
The satay at chomps was better,
so is the orh-ah-jian and stingray.

Oh well,
at least I wasn't stuck at hm,
on the phone with beebee on a Saturday night.

Conclusion of the day:
If u're not in a relationship, U only worry abt one thing
NOT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP.
If u're unlucky enuf to be in one, congratulations,
u worry abt
EVERYTHING ELSE.

On a sidenote,
老娘再也不看偶像剧了！！
It messes with the mind
阮經天没事干嘛长的那么帅嘛！！！！！
现实生活中要我到哪里找这么完美的Lucas ah!!!!!
妈的！

2009-06-27T15:23:00.003+08:00

They say good frens shdn't travel together.
It's true u noe?

And the winner of the match is.....

Aside to Mu: I told u I'd bring Jun-Pyo back for u.

A few weeks ago one of my gd frens said this:

Pls god, give us a good job.
With a job, we got money.
With money, we can go out socialize.
With socializing, we can meet men.
With men, we can retire.

God heard her.
But apparently for me,
He either missed out the GOOD part,
or he defines GOOD differently from me.

Whatever it is,
whatever may be,
I gave my commitment to put my very best effort in it.
and I keep my word.

There finally is something in my life that I can channel my energies to.
It's a big load off my mind too.

Time to go snooze awhile b4 my dinner ride comes along.
More pics after I manage to convince my lazy self to screen n collage the photos.

2009-06-08T19:51:00.005+08:00

Sparkling Korea!!!!!

I told u it sparkles.

2009-05-25T17:38:00.000+08:00

Slacking is the new busy.

2009-04-21T13:48:00.002+08:00

After hearing so much about that legendary email forwarded from my friend ah pei,
I sat down in front of the laptop,
gritted my teeth and prepared myself to digest
the massive paragraphs of chinese characters.

And the 1st sentence had me almost throwin up the root beer I was sipping
温和又体贴的巨蟹座女子...
-_-!!

她的缠斗精神会让你非常惊讶....
她非常没有安全感，敏感而且容易受伤。
常常你的一句无心之言，就会弄得她泪流满面，或者生气不安...
....包括月亮的阴晴圆缺、海水的潮汐，都可能是影响她情绪的原因，
而她最大的隐忧，就是她始终在担心，

担心自己是不是够好，她经常需要你的证实.

蟹座女子有个奇怪的特性，那就是如果你不告诉她「够了」，
她就会不断的尝试，看你能够容忍她到什么地步。
她似乎很难明白什么叫「适可而止」。

And it's worth all that painful effort I put in to read.

Girls, It's not because I fan(4) jian(4)
tt's y I'm the way I am ok??

I'm born like that.
Live with it.

2009-03-19T22:34:00.002+08:00

A few friends and I hung out at my beloved Wala Wala
on a random Saturday night.

There was a new girl in the band that always play on Saturday nights.
She plays the violin and the keyboard.
Last Saturday evening, she even sang.
It sparked off a bout of heated discussions.

As the band played,
Boss leaned over and said to me,

"If I was Shirlene (the lead singer), I wldn't rope another girl into my band. U?"

I could fully understand where she was coming from.
Everyone in the band were guys,
save for the lead.
It makes her stand out, it lets her shine,
the solitary rose among the thorns.
With this incumbent newcomer,
the spotlight has to be shared.

Although Shirlene is still very much the better performer
with a stronger stage personality.

"Hmm....it depends. If I'm very sure tt I'm better than her, y not? Takes some of the load off me on top of making me look better. In this case, she is not as good as Shirlene wat."

After a pause,
Mr Gentleman made a comment

"I find the keyboardist more attractive. I don't know how to say it, I guess it's the serious look she has when she plays her instruments."

Stunned faces looked at him in unison.

I looked back at the keyboardist and observed her intensely for awhile.
Slowly I began to see where he was coming from.
As a guy, I would probably be drawn to her as well.

She isn't as vocal,
nor as interesting.
But there's something quietly unassuming about her,
a glimpse of inner resilience maybe?
A suggestion of a deeper depth that lends mystery?
That something that makes a guy wanna know her better,
and protect her from losing that inner purity.

So he was explaining to us ignorant, challenging girls
what he sees in her,
and in the course,
shed some light on what guys see in girls in general.

Contrary to our beliefs,
it isn't the exciting, funny, glamour girls,
nor the prettiest babes that command the most male attention.
It's the quiet girls standing alone,
pitifully at a neglected corner that appeals to their caveman core,
that awakens the superman in them,
that propels to come forward and rescue them.

The damsel in distress story really works.

He explained,
"I don't think any guys would want their partners to be stronger than them lah. Imagine the wife one day come home tell me she promoted to director. One month later come back tell me she regional head. Another year later CEO. Wah!! Cannot lah!!!"

It all boils down to a matter of face, be it guy or girl.
I suppose a guy's pride will be hurt if he takes his partner out
and as he introduced her, " My girlfriend/ wife, CEO of XXXX"
while himself is merely an average executive.
Naturally a girl would also look for a guy who is superior to her
because she wouldn't want to introduce a guy who isn't as accomplished as her to her friends,
who would think that she is compromising herself otherwise.

All would be nice and well if information is symmetrical
and both parties could assess each other accurately.

The issue arises when information is imperfect.
What happens then,
if the girl approves of the guy
puts his name in the list of potentials,
only to have him strike off her name in his,
under the misconception that she is too independant for him?

Trust me,
I used to think that being labelled as "challenging"
is a compliment.
I never hated that word so much until then.
I used to be flattered when guys toss me the gauntlet
and expressed their desire not to want to be with me,
but to compete with me.

I mean, if they chose to challenge me,
a mere girl, rather than their male counterpart
it's either they deserve my sympathy
for their lack of courage to pick on somebody their own size,
or
I'm just as good
if not better than the average guys such that I'm more satisfying to beat.
Either way,
it only does my ego good.

But after that night,
I reflected if I indeed pushed myself too hard,
made myself too independant
such that I always find myself in the category of "competitor" rather than "potential".

I reached a decision.
I went to work on Monday,
and announced to my colleagues at work of my determination to be the NEW me.

My brudders laughed at me.
The girls at work disbelieved me.
But I persevered!!

On Wednesday evening,
when I met up with my school mates
and told them the same thing,
they were exceptionally encouraging.
They spent the next 4hours of our steamboat dinner dishing out advice
and correcting my behaviour and speech -_-!!

Even when we crossed the road

"Cannot like that cross!! Must scream "Ahhhhh!!!" then scatter across"

So I tried very hard to learn,
to practice,
to correct.

If a little change could help me achieve my goals eventually,
I don't see why not.
I could give in a little,
because ultimately this seeming surrender is really a strategy for long term victory.
I figured I could live with that.

The process of change is hard, I know.
But I didn't think it'd be THAT hard.
Afterall, I used to be a dependant little girl back in my Secondary school days.
I didn't expect the process of reversal,
the process of undoing all the hard work that I've put in to become the person that I am now
to be that hard.

My brudders at work have started to express the urge to bash me up
while my girls at work are gleefully taking every chance they can
to poke fun at my new resolution.
I really can't blame them since I see them every day,
they're the ones who are taking the most of my shit.

That said,
all things changed after my run this evening.
In a way, I had my second awakening.

As usual I was doing my rounds at the neighbourhood park.
An Indian man caught up with me from behind.
Half expecting him to overtake me and speed away from me,
I maintained my pace.
With the racing with my shadow incident still fresh in my mind,
I wasn't really in the mood to race with anybody.
But he didn't speed away from me.
Instead, after awhile, his pace slowed down.
I don't know if any runners ever felt that way,
but I don't like it if a stranger is running side by side with me.
I feel obstructed.

So I quickened my pace just a little.
He turned his head and glanced at me.
Then he quickened his pace.

As familiar with being challenged as I am,
I recognised it as a sign of what it really is instantly.

FINE.
Bring it on.

I picked up speed,
just as I progressed passed his adjacent right,
he picked up speed too.

I'm proud to say that I grew smart after racing my shadow.
Instead of running myself to the ground,
I kept pace so that I fell nicely slightly behind him,
not too far off such that I would have a difficult time to catch up,
but not near enough to alert him to speed up.

Patiently, I bidded my time for an opportunity to cut him.
But that guy is one determined bastard as well.
As soon as he slows down,
I'd inevitably catch up by virtue of my keeping pace.
And whenever he sees me beside him,
he takes bigger and faster strides.

We maintained that distance and relationship until we passed the 4.5km mark
and he slowed to a halt.
I was a bit taken by surprise.
I hadn't expected him to end his run
his pace did not betray his fatigue I must say.

Even before I recovered from my mild surprise,
he surprised me again.

He turned to look me squarely in the eye
and held up his right hand,
thumb up
and nodded his head.

I almost tripped over my own legs
and fall flat on my face.

It was recognition,
Pure and unadulterated.
I couldn't control the smile that spread across my face,
nor that brimming feeling of exhilaration.

That oh so familiar feeling.
That rewarding feeling that came from doing something right,
from putting in a whole damn lot of unspoken effort
that u think no one knows and understands,
and then suddenly,
be greeted by someone who truly sees it and respects u for it.

And the amazing thing is,
that whole burst of bubbly feeling is brought to you
by a complete stranger.

Do you know how wonderful that feeling is?
That a stranger,
someone you don't know,
someone you've never seen before in your entire life,
someone who has a life distinctly unconnected from yours,
crosses yours just for that split second?

Just in case anyone is wondering,
no, he ain't dashing.
Far from it.

In his competition, I found companionship.
It distracted me from the physical exhaustion
and provided me with a motivation to go on.

It struck me then
that I thrive on that.
I improve from competition.
That thrill, that satisfaction,
it's incomparable.
It's something that I will never get to experience had I turned into that weak,
vulnerable stereotypical girl.

And that,
is something I couldn't give up.
That irreplaceable sense of personal gratification.

Marketing taught me the importance of catering to customers' needs.
Happily, I embraced that when I decided to soften myself.
Then again, there is such a thing as niche marketing.

It's simply too tiring to change myself for another person.
Even if I did change, in the belief of a....
for lack of a better phrase, let's just put it in a corny way,
better prospect of a brighter future.

No one is really worth that big a sacrifice.

So what if I am not that girl who appeals to the masses?

I'll just continue looking for that special one with the rare foresight
to appreciate the challenging, kuai lan me enough
to be my guardian angel.

2009-03-16T15:53:00.004+08:00

Hello folks!

Mocks are over and I'm out to play!!!
Don't criticize me for it ok!
I deserve a break for that rigorous study plan I put myself thru
in order to complete what I had to for mocks.

So yup,
enjoy the updates while it last cos I'm diving back into books
really soon.

Burst my pockets,
and my seams at The Line.
I'm not exceptionally rich.
In fact this meal has alrdy pushed me off my budget for this month.
But like I've said b4,
and I'll say this again.

People never get younger.
They age,
and it's a one way road.

My mum is aging really quickly.
And somehow,
as days go by,
the aging process just seems to accelerate at increasing speed.

I hate to think of the day when she's no longer her bimbotic self,
when she's got no more energy to even go out for good food.

She seldom goes out shopping with me anymore.
In fact the only leisure activity she indulges in these days
is mahjong.
And that's because it's an activity where aunties can glue their buttocks to their chairs
for the whole damn day
and not move an inch.

She reads 8days when she's free at work
to tell me abt the synopsis of my favourite tv shows.
I know she meant well but,
she has this irritating tendency to MESS up ALL the characters,
and even the STORIES!!!

Given the immense stress I was under the past few weeks,
I wasn't exactly the model daughter every mother wished to have.
She sees me for less than a few hours a day.
And when she does,
I wasn't in the mood to talk.

So I'm just doing what I can to make up for my mistakes.
Like I said,
she isn't getting any younger.

I read this article in one of the papers some days ago,
and it says something like
To parents,
children are the leading characters in the story of their lives.
But sadly, to children,
parents are merely the supporting cast.

My mum is NOT a calefare in my life.
And I'm just doing all I can within my limited means
to make sure that she NEVER has to feel that way about herself.

Alright,
enough of the mushy stuff.
Now for some grumbling.

As soon as my brother realises that I'm paying for the meal,
he took leave from his part time banqueting,
and tagged along.
That freeloader.

Pictures are limited but they're pictures nonetheless.

See la!! Pay for her, ask her take a nice picture with me,
and she falls asleep right after eating!!!
Bimbo piggy leh!!!
Who's the calefare in whose life lor.....

After threatening her,
Told her no more meal treats from me if she falls asleep again,
told her if she don't take nice pics with me,
I'm gonna marry a Korean when I go there in May
and she's never going to see me ever again......

Then she wakes up for a proper pic

I'm kidding.
I merely sainai my way.

While I'm at it,
might as well share a little secret.
I'd pretend to be pissed when people say that my mum and I are like sisters.
Eh, hello!!
Who wouldn't be?
She's almost 60 and I'm not even 23 can!!!!
But I'm secretly very proud of her.
I'm delighted that she looks good,
and nowhere near 60.

Perhaps if she continues looking young,
I can just go on believing that things will always stay this perfect way.

k lah k lah,
I noe la.
I need to invest in good skincare products alrdy la!!!
People 25 yrs old go wala also kena check IC.
Me leh?
The counter just let me in without a second glance!!!
Offended de ok!!!

Ahhhh.......
Life is unbearably good after mocks.

*Pls upload pics in PB ZeeZee,
or send it via email to me so I can update my blog.

2009-03-14T13:50:00.000+08:00

On friday the 13th yesterday,
I went to the neighbourhood park near my place for my usual evening run.

Halfway through,
I caught sight of a shadow behind me, to my diagonal right.

Damn, it's runnin at my speed....

Fearful of being overtaken,
I quickened my pace.

After about 2km or so,
I stole another glance at the shadow.

It's still there,
Keeping the same distance
and running at my increased speed!!!

Damn it!!

I picked up speed,
taking faster and bigger strides
all the while keeping track of its progress
out of the corner of my eyes,
discreetly.

That shadow just won't give up will it?
Fine.
If I can't beat it at speed,
I'll focus on maintaining the distance between us.
If I can't outrun it,
I shall outendure it.

The power of pride and stubborness is really being understated.
Out of sheer determination,
I clocked my mileage at a faster speed than I ever did before.

Even when I felt like I couldn't go on,
even with the daunting possibility of having my heart suddenly stopping,
of dropping dead,
I continued running.

It got to a point where I couldn't even focus on the songs from my mp3 anymore.
I was just concentrating on keeping my legs moving,
one after another.

Damn it! It's still running!!!

As much as I willed myself to go on,
my legs simply refused to obey the brain.
I began to slow down after awhile,
and resigned myself to being overtaken.

I stole another peek at the shadow.

Eh!!!She slowed down too.
Good.
Maybe she's tired, maybe she'll stop soon.

But she didn't.
She continued running,
at the same comfortable speed as me.
Her shadow still at the same distance from mine.
Or maybe I was already feeling faint
such that I couldn't judge distances properly anymore.

I slowed to a halt somewhere after the 7km mark
and unhappily started walking,
fully expecting the mystery owner
of the competitive shadow to emerge from my right
and jog past me.

........
............
................

No one appeared triumphantly from behind me.
I rolled my eyes to the right to sneak a peek at the shadow.

It was walking!!!!!

Unable to hold my curiosity anymore,
I turned to catch a look at the face of the person
who's as bitchily competitive as me.

!!!

There's no one.

At that moment,
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Asshole.
I almost killed myself racing with my shadow.

2009-03-01T11:35:00.003+08:00

Because ah boy's life hasn't even been remotely interesting for a long time,
ah boy is too ashamed to update this space with nonsense.

Because ah boy has been too distracted by work and play for the past few months,
ah boy has to spend the remaining days playing catch up on studies.

Because ah boy has planned to study so hard for mocks,
ah boy motivated himself by making plan for sinful feasting on 16/03/09
at Shangri-La's THE LINE.

Because of the impending lil hiccup (16/03/09 feast)
to ah boy's determined constructed weight-loss plan,
ah b0y took part in the Newton active run today.

And finally, to reward ah boy for the three years of hard work
playing balance between work and studies in Uni,
ah boy is

GOING KOREA ON 25/05/09!!!!!!!!!!!

My friend, Ms Snoopy was telling me one fine day that she was stunned by
a question her friend put to her.
She was asked by her friend the type of guys she was looking for,
and the first thing she said was "上进心- " (the quest to constantly better the self)
b4 she could finish, she was cut off,
"Why is it that girls are always looking for guys with 上进心???"
and she asked me that.

That honestly wasn't one of the top qualities on my list until last Thursday.

On that unfortunate Thursday,
I was asked two academically challenged questions,
and was rudely awakened by importance of the above-mentioned quality.

Let me list out the offences in chronological order:

Offence 1:

An sms while I was at work
" What is capital stock?"
After I smsed the sms-er my answer,
his reply was,
" Oh. I suddenly feel like an idiot for asking that question."

Mildly amused that he FINALLY realised that,
I replied,
" It's ok. I've been educating idiots the whole day,
one more stupid question makes no difference."

The offence: Probable stupidity.

Offence 2:

That night I received a call from that same person,
"Can I ask u a question abt econs?"

"yah, wat?"

"It's abt the simple accelerator model."

"ok, wat abt it?"

"Wah u so smart ah, to ans me straightaway? No need take out notes u noe everything?"

-_-!!
"Still I haf to noe ur question b4 I noe wat notes to refer to right?"

"Yah, my question is everything abt the model. I've been lookin at it the whole day and I still dunno wat it is. So can u explain the whole model to me?"

The offences:
Outright stupidity
Sheer laziness
Complete lack of common sense

Ok, let's be fair, I took some time to digest the model initially and understand
what was required of me.
The issue that I was pissed with, that anyone would be pissed with
was the fact that no effort was even put in to attempt to understand the model
in order to properly form a constructive query about it.
I mean, come on.
There must be SOMETHING specific or more narrow in scope about the model
that u don't understand, u can't just throw me a question like that.
I mean, what do u expect me to do?

Give u a repeat telecast of our lecture??????

Plus, I would think that it's common sense to rummage my notes AFTER
being asked a question.
No point going to dig out my notes for a possibly stupid question
that I can answer offhand wat!!!!

Wat is his problem anyway?

Even if I'm not "so smart",
I'm quite certain that
I'm smarter than him.

Offence 3:

At this point in time,
I was already mildly annoyed and moderately impatient
to hang up to go back to my own revision.

The conversation continues....

"So how's ur studying of law coming along?"

"Lidat lor, wat else u expect?"

"I was just trying to show my concern. Anyway, u don't need so stressed.
U....no time to study.....busy working.
Don't stress urself to finish revising everything,
just focus on a few chapters like me.
Study them well then catch up for ur final exams ........ etc etc etc"

For no reason,
he started to "console" me.

As I listened, my level of impatience grew
together with something else,
something that's suspiciously like a mixed cocktail of disgust and annoyance.

Ruthlessly, I cut off his litany of negations

"That's no excuse wat. I admit I played too much, worked too much, and neglected my studies.
So I'm only rightfully paying the price now. Of cos I have a harder time revising now. If I give myself some slack now, it'll be worst come the finals. "

"Ok. Errr....u don't tire urself out ok? Must rest also. Good night."

The offences:
Too many presumptions.
Making too many excuses for inadequacies.

It really struck me then and there
that there really is no appeal in guys who are too easy on themselves.
Especially in a guy,
if there's no determination to even want to succeed,
I don't know if they will ever come anywhere close to even being decently satisfactory.

After I have failed myself in my performance for A'levels,
I was dealt a rude blow that woke me up.
At that point in time,
it struck me that a person should really spend some time and effort getting to know himself,
his shortcomings
and undertake active measures to if not correct them,
minimise them.
If you know that you're not doing well because you're not as smart as others,
then u bloody well work harder.

Intelligence is something you're born with.
If you belong to the unfortunate group of people the Heavens happened to miss out,
then you bloody well make sure u have a drive that's stronger than everyone else
to play catch up.
I strongly believe that if you want something bad enough,
you'll get it some day, some way or another.

The least you could do is gear yourself towards it.
And that's the least anyone should do.
Procrastination and complains will not help at all.

Of cos it would be great if someone is willing to offer assistance along the way,
the path to your desired destination would be undoubtedly smoother.
But that's an exception.
And most of the times,
we're all ordinary people,
leading ordinary lives.
Lives that are so normal they are not worth mentioning,
and hence you don't hear them often enough.
Just because you don't hear them often enough doesn't mean that
that then is the exception
and you start expecting help at every corner.

Life is unfortunately like that.

Life is nothing like the movies,
or drama
(You got it babies, I'm quoting "He's just not that into you" )
If you wanna even have a remote chance of getting close to success,
however you define that,
you bloody well
WORK.

The simplest definition of "work" is thus
NOT GIVING YOURSELF EXCUSES FOR YOUR FAILURES.

As you can probably tell from my long
agitated rant,
I was quite pissed off that night.

And thanks to that,
I finally understood the importance of that quality.

Ms Snoopy, I stand by you sista!!!

Interestingly, there's a psychological explanation for that.
Some psychologists attempt to explain this phenomenon of
women being attracted to men who are successful,
and men who are attracted to women who are beautiful,
by reason of evolution.

Studies show that human beings,
and all living things for that matter are subconsciously concerned
with the continuation of the existence of their kind.

Women expand more energy in the production process,
and hence their concerns are based in quality.
That is the possibility of their offsprings surviving to adulthood
and undertaking the cycle of reproduction.

Therefore,
in looking for a mate,
women are therefore unconsciously looking for males who are financially stable
in urban times of today,
and physically strong in olden primitive times
as these qualities contribute primarily to ensuring of survival.

Men on the other hand,
while also concerned about the continuation of their kind,
have their focus on quantity.
To them, the way to ensure the cycle goes on
is to produce as many offsprings as possible,
so that the chances of having at least one survival is higher.
Consequently,
that explains their lascivious intentions when seeking a mate.

Attractiveness to them, as research shows encompasses women built in a certain way,
with a certain body ratio as that is a sign of futility.
Where face is concerned, it was deemed as a sign of character.
People tend to regard ugly people as being evil
and good looking people as being kind.
Which I thought to be quite true.
Haven't your mums always tried to convince u to be good
because good people are usually blessed?
I take "blessed" as being granted with good looks, good life

As ridiculous as that belief may sound,
I think there's some truth in that.
The trend of women being more picky about looks nowadays
seems to correlate to the rising number of women being financially independent.

That said,
I still think the driver behind men and women being fussy about looks
is simply one of the age old seven sins,
lust.

Yes, ah boy's life is infinitely boring nowadays
to be going on and on about nothing interesting in particular.

*sigh*

I'm really in need of meditation and reflection.
Maybe after (I'm done being)mock(ed)s (at) on the 14/03/09,
I should really consider enrolling myself in some Buddhist Society
or something like that.

Or maybe,
I should just get myself another stunner haircut......

2009-02-09T14:20:00.002+08:00

Last Friday while I was at The Makan Place at Ngee Ann Poly,
the auntie across the counter shouted out to me,

" Ah boy ah, wat's ur order? "

And here I was thinking that my hair has grown out.
I guess it must have been my own illusion -_-!!

Nevertheless,
here's wishing everyone a happy chinese new yr
on the glorious last day of the 15th.

May the new year be good for the tigers!!!
*ROAR*

2009-01-11T15:17:00.004+08:00

刚刚看完了《生日快乐》，
哭的不知道像是什么一样。

老娘姐姐真的说得对。
当你喜欢一个男人的时候，
你真的必须让他知道。

有些话也就因此一定要在某个时间说。
一旦错过了，
就算是你想说一千次，一万次
那个你希望能听见的人，
已经再也不在乎了。

很快的，又要过年了。
妈妈整天在唠叨我清理掉那些摆放在我桌上
生灰尘的东西。

已经几年了，
每当她提起，
我就会把那固定的一些东西
移到另外一个位子。
希望妈妈这样就不会发现，
我没有把它们丢掉。

妈妈她始终不明白我为什么这样的坚持。

现在的我剩下的也只有回忆。
可是回忆，
它会模糊，它会消失。
也只有这样我才能傻傻地说服自己
我现在仍然拥有他，
就算我所拥有的也就只是他的过去。

所以我不能把那些东西丢掉，
我必须保留。
我需要天天都看得到它们。
我需要它们天天的提醒我所拥有的回忆。

这种感觉，
我不太擅长解释。
所以也不想再说下去了。

要去偷偷的移位了。。。。

2009-01-04T20:16:00.003+08:00

On New Year's Eve:

I realised that when you put galpal and me together,

Galpal: Let's make love ^_^
Me: I'm fucking busy

Now, don't we make a statement?

Happy Belated New Year everyone!

2008-12-27T15:32:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas!!!!

Love,
Us.

2008-12-26T17:30:00.003+08:00

I dug out Breakfast at Tiffany's and gave it a go today.

Audrey Hepburn's as beautiful as everyone says she is,
as beautiful as the film itself.

They don't make movies like these anymore.
They don't write classic dialogues like those anymore.

Maybe because people are not like that anymore.

Sometimes I get the feeling I'm born into the wrong era.
Don't you sometimes?

Moon river wider than a mile
Im crossing you in style someday
You dream maker, you heartbreaker
Wherever youre going Im going your way
Two drifters off to see the world
Theres such a lot of world to see
Were after the same rainbows end
Waiting round the band
My huckleberry friend, moon river
And me

2008-12-21T14:03:00.012+08:00

On a random Saturday morning,
The bored shake-legs-make-money gang embarked on something they've never done before.

Throughout our years of friendship,
we've already drink, drank, drunk,
eat, ate, eaten.

So this time,
we decided to eat- ate- eaten our way out of Singapore
starting at 0730 @ Meridien food court (Singapore)
ending at 1500 @ Dorsett Regency (KL)

You got it, boss is late for breakfast.

And to make up for it,
she arranged for her personal Ahmad to super-drive us into KL in luxurious comfort.

1st time in such a vehicle of luxury.
For those of u who haven't been to the insides of one b4,
do enlarge the collage for details.

Spacious eh?
I was surprised myself how much space it actually concealed inside its sleek body.

Let the KL invasion begin!!!!

Dirty toilets, check.
Incomprehensible traffic directions, check.
Unscrupulous taxi drivers who charged a rate instead of going by meters, check.
Shopping heaven, CHECK.
Food paradise,
CHECK.
WE ARE POSITIVELY, IN KL.

So the story goes....
Introducing the feisty characters!

Clockwise from left:
The hungry Boss from Hell,
"Shall we eat this? Yes we should. Shall we order this too? Yes, I think we should!!"

The psychologically unbalanced old maid kindergarten teacher from hell,
"I said u enjoyed urself means u enjoyed urself!
Utter another word and u will be punished to rub suntan oil for eternity!!!"

The 笑里藏刀ruthless business undergrad,
"16rm...divide by 2...S$8 for 2 tanks!! Very cheap eh!!
Ha!Ha!Ha! MuAHaHa! WAHAHAHA!! WAAIIHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

The brooding Federal Reserves Chair,
"General Motors...Chrysler...& Ford... Shd I bail them out or let them file for bankruptcy?
But I still got so much Ringgit leh. Aiya! Just anyhow whack lah!"

The seemingly amicable, alert, but actually anything but Manyzer,
"*&^&$&^(*&.... ASSHOLE...*&^&$^%...IDIOT LEH U.....
Oh, OH!! Oh yah, hor!!!"

Our only setback- Hotel dilemma.
To Ritz or not to Ritz.

Not to!!!

Everything went smoothly thereafter,
which means,
nothing interesting to tell liao.
No catfights, no angry accusations.

Just plain, simple,
FUN

And sadly,
Final shots b4 returning to our normal boring lives.

KL is really not that different from Singapore.
The people, albeit with their misguided sense of directions,
are just as helpful, chatty and warm.
Their food is as varied as Singapore's (But 50% cheaper!)
Their apparels are very suitable for Singaporeans (But 50% cheaper!)
It got so similar that at one point,
The 笑里藏刀ruthless business undergrad complained that she didn't have the overseas feeling.

The differences are subtle, I should say.
You don't get Singaporean cab drivers cursing their own fellow citizens the way they do,
"Damn Malaysians! How u drive!".
The differences are in the way the country operates I guess.

Like in train stations,
we don't get administrators shouting at people, instructing them on how to queue.
When we see a green man on our traffic lights in Singapore,
we trust in our social norms and cross without a second's hesitation.
Whereas in KL, u better trust CAUTION.
It's like, when you see a place bustling with life and modernity,
you'd expect to see better infrastructure and organization,
but these are sadly lacking in KL.
It's like the government in their struggle to play catch up to the rest of the world,
merely provides the basic foundations,
without even making them stable,
it just feels so haphazard.
And being there, you'd wonder about their education system as well.
Cos it seems as if there is an awful lot of people, young people in the retail sales line.

An Indian cabby uncle told us this one night while we were in his cab.
He said that you can't really blame the taxi drivers for quoting you a rate rather then using the meter.
With traffic conditions such as this,
they wouldn't be able to make ends meet if they all go by meters.
Passengers would benefit from the low fares of course.
But what about the drivers who get stuck in hours and hours of jam
if they didn't manage to pick up any customers after dropping you off?

The sharp contrast does strike me,
especially while we were happily shopping eating,
having the time of our lives,
there are these classes of people who, at the same time,
are suffering because their welfare are sorely neglected.

That aside,
it ain't gonna stop me from insisting on metered taxis,
or haggling for a better price the next time I'm in KL!!!!
Hahahaha!!!
I'm there to enjoy myself wat,
not to resolve all social ills!!!

On a lighter note,
let me share two little somethings I find interesting in KL.

And that's all folks!

I WANNA GO HOLIDAY AGAIN!!!!!

Sometimes, it isn't the place that u miss all that much.
Neither is it really the country that attracts.
It's the company that's sorely missed.
The people you spent your every waking hour with,
those same people who helped made the memories so special.
And the idyllic days you spent worrying about nothing but where to haf ur nxt meal,
whether u haf enuf money to last u until u find the nxt money changer.

Ahh....the beauty of holidays
it actually lies with the justified filling of your every waking hour with mere trivialities.

P.S: No, we didn't take any limo to KL or anywhere else. Lol!! I was just making up stories :P cos we seem to see that limo EVERYWHERE. From Singapore to KL, and even when we reached KL, we still see it on the roads. Maybe it's a sign tt we'll all be filthy rich by the time we hit 30. Woo!!

2008-11-30T17:58:00.002+08:00

About a month back on the 31st Oct,
I woke up to find myself having grown a tail

Traumatised, I considered surgically removing it,
but to my surprise, it actually received a pretty warm reception.
Pple or rather, some sort of creature-people actually LOVED it.
And it was suggested that, hey! Since I've conveniently grown a tail, and furry ears,
it would be a blast to celebrate Halloween!!

No need to dress up leh!!!
So we did.

Introducing the Black vampire cat,
The boring human,
The horny leopard,
and the pretty braced-wizard.

So we happily made our way to The Arena in the anticipation of celebrating this festival with fellow merry-making creatures.

But Alas!!
We never expected to run into gruesome hostility!!
Some creatures are just so ill-natured.

"Fear not my fellow creatures! I shall call for reinforcements!"
Exclaimed the pretty wizard "lao hong-ly"

And so she did.
The reinforcements came,
as promised

We have the horny vampire (clockwise from left),
Mr Half mask (Who is HANDSOME!!!!And he speaks with an English accent which almost caused me to swoon)
and his pal Brownie, the suffocated bear
Kitty the Black cat
and the Red Indian family.

A gory battle ensued while we watched by the side
(Must remain glam glam mah, if not later how to party?)
And as the old saying goes

GOOD TRIUMPHS OVER EVIL.

With that obstacle out of the way,
and victory ours,
there was simply nothing left to do but ....

PARTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-19T20:17:00.002+08:00

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it
Cause they stick up for me

Unfortunately, I'm not.
So I gotta get up even earlier in the morning,
just to get my hair looking like anything other than FLAT.

*Sigh~

If only I were a boy....

2008-11-11T20:34:00.002+08:00

Because of certain incidents that happened lately,
I was led to revisit a thought-provoking post by one Window-Shopper.

In this post of his,
he mentioned

男人在感情的王国里，绝对是个昏君。
女人只要肯奉承，
他什么都答应.

To this,
a certain friend of mine concluded
"This one i strongly agree. If he's not so 好骗, it juz means he dun love you enough. haha!"

Ah...the truth of it.

It is ultimately a game of deception,
a game of strategy,
a matter of who has the upper hand in this game of complex emotional manipulation
is it not?

The value of the stakes could be as high as the sky,
or it can be as cheap as the air we have around us.
It all boils down to sharp foresight
and calculated maneuvers.

In the words of the Jigsaw murderer of my favourite gore series, SAW,
if you understand how the human minds work,
there's no such things as chance.
The game will play out the way it's supposed to.

Love.
The only way to prove it is no longer the surprise of a dozen roses.
A dozen beautiful red roses are merely a symbol of how much passion the game holds for him.
As bright red as the crimson blossoms,
and as short-lived.

The racing of heartbeats,
the silly giggling feat that we're taught to expect from love by teen idol dramas
the sweetness of romance that we're socialised into believing by
the ever popular sweet valley series that I'm sure every girl has read at some point in her life,
are merely the very deepest secrets of girls that have been exploited into balance sheet figures,
the tools used to bring unsuspecting preys onto the altar of consumerism.

When we were younger,
we have all been victims of this prescribed state of idealism.
I don't know about you,
but I vividly remember the many toilet conversations I had with various girlfriends
throughout my teenage life about the criteria our future partners has to have.
More often than not,
we'd be muttering things like
"He doesn't have to be rich or handsome, as long as he truly loves me."

You see?
The folly of youth,
the evils of media.

22 years and wiser,
love and being treated well isn't even on the list anymore.
Compatibility.
Looks-wise,
Intelligence-wise,
character-wise,
lifestyle-wise,
the practical indicators of a lasting relationship,
has sadly become the realistic benchmarks of choice for rational evaluation.

I attended a 20 yr old birthday party over the weekend,
and once again,
a familiar feeling of nostalgia washed over me.
Despite all my bitter bitchiness,
I do admire the carefree vibrancy of youth.
The courage to go all out to live, flirt and love.
Unknowingly, that spark of hopefulness has somehow gradually
been eroded away by the inevitable process of ageing.

It's amazing what time can do to a woman.
She can be the stupidest person on earth,
and still have a steeper learning curve than the smartest man around.
It just takes once,
to change the way a woman thinks.

Selfishness takes root,
and we learn to live as men do,
we learn to think as men do,
we learn to love as men do,
but more importantly,
we learn to feed ourselves with excuses with the same ferocity men do,
and silence our conscience at the right time.

All these,
and still behave the way a woman does.

To others,
we might be perceived as vicious.
But really,
we're just instinctively protecting ourselves.
Trust comes at too high a price these days.

You watch football.
Haven't you heard?
The best defense is a good offense.

If men can do it,
why can't we?

2008-10-21T20:33:00.003+08:00

二十二岁的我今天刚被朋友说
我人坐在一个男人的车里
心里却想着另一个男人。

这样下去二十年后的我
莫非真会躺在一个男人的怀里
心里挂念着另外一个男人不可！！

不能这样下去了！！！
好男人到底都死到哪？
为何老娘最近碰到的都是怪怪的？

烂透了。

I was reading 8days the other day
and this was what it said of my horoscope

Matters which seem to have a purely professional connection now will acquire an intensely personal significance before the week is out.

You know life sucks when your horoscope reading is perfectly,
eerily spot on,
particularly when it comes to the things
that you desperately wish will not happen.

Times like these when you're down on your luck,
a woman gotta do what a woman gotta do.

Golden rule 1:
Avoid contact with the rest of the world to minimise
the probability of further shitty things from happening to you
or, running into people you're better off not seeing.

Staying home with my tv is indeed a wise choice.

So yeah,
I'm gonna hide at home with my books and TV
until this whole period of rottenness is over.

Or at least until I feel it is safe for me to head out without getting into shit.

HAIZ!!!!

You really can't fault me for giving up on the male species.
Maybe I really ought to consider working overseas come next uear.
Foreign men might just be better suited for me.

2008-10-06T20:45:00.005+08:00

It's like a dormant volcano
rumbling, rumbling underneath the calm,
as if patiently, patiently bidding its time.
Confident,
knowing,
certain
that there's an optimum time to blow
leaving the world in shambles.

The Saturday that I've been anticipating forever for came and left.
With that,
I'm faced with the fact that I'm nearer and nearer
to the end of my permitted respite.

Last school semester of my life,
是时候跟它拼了！！
Yes, I'm actually really quite a geeky nerd.

Some things are meant to be fought for,
especially things that I've some semblance of control over.
There are already certain things in life that I no longer have the energy,
nor the belief to fight for.

I noe I noe,
I sound like a weary seventy year old war veteran.
But when you think about it,
doesn't life bear a startling resemblance to a long,
drawn out, never ending war?
One that will only be over when you breathe your last.

As I was saying (before I digressed)
I was counting the days to 04/10/2008.
And up till the day itself,
I really counted the hours, then minutes, then seconds.
I was so hyped up I was singing aloud to my poor lecture buddy
and irritating her the whole day.

And knowing how I always manage to find myself inevitably
right smack in the middle of embarrassing situations,
I found myself right in that familiar spot again.
As usual, I was acting crazy
and last Saturdy while we were approaching our lecture theatre,
I was bellowing “人质” at the top of my lungs,
in full-fledged drama mood, complete with actions and emotions,
entirely caught up in the duo objective of
rehearsing for the concert and irritating wee jie yin at the same time
when suddenly her expression took on one of horrified amusement.
Just as I began to regain my senses,
I saw a familiar figure overtake us from behind.

Of all people,
it just had to be the lecturer of the lecture that we were on the way to attend
and of all places left,
we had to sit in the 3rd row,
right where he can see us ever so clearly.

Congratulations!
You have successfully managed to embarrass yourself,
AGAIN!!!!!

Amei took my breath away later at the concert.
No matter how much revision I've done
(revision= watching her concerts on youtube and familiaring myself with her concert repertoire)
I was still stunned speechless by her amazing vocals
and her moving delivery of songs.
Each and every phrase that comes out of her mouth are so rich with emotions,
so heartfelt, it danced precariously on my raw nerves.
They weren't just on key,
they were all well-packed ammos all on target,
well-aimed at the most vulnerable part of a woman's soul,
verbalising in melodies all the things that we know so well,
the hard truths that are so hard to grapple with.
Then before the bunch of emotional tigers could weep up a storm,
she had us going again,
in an entirely different way.
Before we knew it, we were on our feet screaming,
dancing, bouncing, jumping, light sticks bobbing in a fanatic frenzy.

我真的可以再high三天三夜.

Sometimes I wonder if it's really a generation thing.
Sure, I love the new, modern songs that pop up each and every single day.
Obviously I love ktv-ing new mando pop songs
(I mean, given the frequency of my ktv sessions,
I gotta be grateful for the constant waves of new songs)
Just as obvious, I love the surprise of hearing good new stuff on the english airwaves
but these are temporal.
Very rarely are they able to penetrate beyond the shell to really touch the heart.

Is it really a generation thing?
I'd have thought life and love are universal.
I'd have thought views on them should be similar regardless of the era you belong to.
Similarly good love songs written decades ago should still be good decades later.
Songs and movies that had our parents sobbing over
should still leave us wetting those tissues like there's no tomorrow.
Shouldn't it be so?

Maybe the world really is changing.
So much so that even ideas that should ideally remain constant,
that should remain simple are getting as complicated as the human heart and mind.
Maybe we're all just getting greedier and greedier.
Selfishness for one, is ironically an unchanged constant.
I'm pretty certain that if we were to watch an old classic movie today and saw how
selfishness drives villains to sin,
a part of us will still understand
the part of us that we all try to deny,
can and do feel an affinity for what he/she goes through
why he/she does the things she does.

Maybe the only things that don't change
are those that are stemmed in sins.
Maybe we're all just made to be bad
and there's simply no way out.
It's just that everyone tries so damn freaking hard to be good.
Maybe we shouldn't go against what feels so right afterall.

Just like a red apple, it's red.
It's everything vibrant and oh so sweet on the outside.
But inside, there's the core
that has this natural tendency to turn brown, to grow worms,
to rot once exposed, once it had seen enough of the world.

And just like the aftermaths of an eruption
Burn.... Red hot.
The remnants of liquid fire
Burn.... Red hot.
Eventually it dies down to a dull glow.
You'd think it's ok,
you'd think it's all over now.
You let down your guard and
accidentally, you graced it.
You're shock and you realise then and there
it still burns hot,
throbbing, enduring
raw.

2008-10-03T18:22:00.002+08:00

世上有些东西，
真的就是要大了才会懂。

I caught a movie last night.
And for reasons no one seem to comprehend,
I started bawling.

It all started with the unmistakable heat in the eyes.
It's that feeling of someone squeezing your heart,
that leaves you breathless,
that leaves you grasping your chest helplessly,
that instinctively leaves you heaving in uncontrollable sobs,
unconsciously expanding all your strength through your tears,
as if to purge out that very feeling of pain.

Nobody understands.
And I wouldn't expect anyone to.
At that instant,
and even until now,
I myself cannot express coherently the reasons why.

But as ridiculous as it may sound,
I do know.

Maybe one day
I'll be able to find those elusive words to piece the puzzle together.

有些心痛也就因为这样，
它只会越来越痛
越来越痛，
越来越痛。

2008-09-16T21:25:00.004+08:00

School started for me today.
I am really the epitomy of wat chinese call fan(4) jian(4)
Some days ago I was still whining to Ms D,
who happens to be my fellow partner-to-Singaporeans-in-Nation-Building,
as well as my SIM sch mate that it seemed as though
it's taking forever for school to start this year.
And today, after my 2nd class of the day,
I can't seem to finish grumbling to my driver throughout the whole journey home
about how tiring school suddenly feels to me.

This holiday is a rather fruitful one I might say.
Besides the big hooha that cropped up at our favourite shake leg make money organisation
or more like, if not for it,
I wouldn't have gone and re-exposed myself to backend work
at a well-known publishing firm

and got to know the crazy bunch of people I like to call Batchies.

If not for them,
I wldn't have known the TRUE meaning behind the term CB
wldn't have experienced the thrill of playing truant for sakae sushi buffet
wldn't have been able to sit through countless fridays of horrible packed lunches
wldn't have been able to appreciate NASI LEMAK
there wldn't have been reinvention and evolutions of "factory work"
spinelli cookie loving sessions,
and the unforgettable crappy email busting exercise
that we undertake without fail every single day.

The office was a better place because of them.
Continue bringin on the sunshine wherever u may be people!

2008-09-12T13:31:00.004+08:00

On the last day of August 2008,
provider Zee and I were part of the horde of Crazy Singaporeans
who fought the insane crowd on buses, trains and even toilets,
to be part of this world's first event

The Nike Race 10K.

You can't believe the no. of people present.
It's like seeing never-ending clusters of red ants.
So that's what 10000 people look like.
Makes me feel like National Day all over again.
And if you happen to see news footages of people climbing over barricades
trying to get their way around the organizers,
and you happen to think you saw two familiar figures climbing very clumsily
over the barriers,
try to convince yourselves it's not us.
Thanks.

It's so easy to lose sight of each other.
Everyone looks virtually the same.
When that happens,
you gotta rely on something distinct to tell people apart.
For instance,
by VOICES.
I told you I have a really nice, unforgettable voice.
Why do you think I enjoy being in a call centre?

So we finished the run,
grabbed the freebies and drinks like some market aunties,
grimaced at the bands playing in the post-run concerts
and scrambled off in search of REAL food.

I think it's true,
when I looked at the mountains and mountains of food pics in my ph,
some of which I am too lazy to even publish,
that my friends and I eat a WHOLE DAMN LOT.
So much so that I begin to wonder if I am LOADED (which, of cos I am NOT).

Food is one thing that I really spend alot on,
without hesitation somemore.
Are we really spending too much on food?

The whole experience of eating makes me happy.
It's the process of having found a nice, clean, relatively quiet,
air-conditioned place to sit down,
and savour the good company of your dinner partner,
the roaring uncontrolled laughters
with the accompanying food
that makes me happy.
And with each and every little happiness,
there comes a price to pay of course.

In this case,
it's the holes in our pockets
and the lard in our tummies and butts.
But it doesn't matter cos,
fat can be burnt off,
money can be earned.

And at the end of the day,
you'll realise that it's that warm bubbly feeling called happiness
that stays,
that lingers on
that'll be there for you to remember and relish over and over again.

2008-09-01T21:52:00.000+08:00

On a beautiful Saturday,
I had the great great great greeeaaaat fortune
to watch a beautifully choreographed dance of lights.

It's the fireworks festival.
The many many split second explosions of exuberance
that has captured Singaporeans in jaw-dropping awe.

Very luckily we managed to catch these bursts at eye level
thanks to Manyzer Hung's company's generous non-monetary benefits.

Alright, I noe,
from the pics,
the Koreans don't look like they're very good at this,
but trust me,
the display was spectacular.

So spectacular I proposed to bestie,
and we all ended up celebrating the romantic occasion
with choruses of synchronised "Wahhhhh"

Enuf of no-skill shots,
let's look at "babes" and Manyzer Hung's babies.

Third party extra wheel zee
spoiling photo of bank officer ewe and my fellow student dew

The very jump-able wo.
Ex gymnast lor, don't play play!
While queuing for MOF.
I told u the desert was good.

Zee's babies!!

Yup,
Dew and I r zee's babies too.
Haha!!

Last but not least,
Our human version of fireworks.

The thing about friendships that has gotten too deep
and too enduring is this.
We have our good times.
Maybe we had too good a time.
And after so long,
we begin to trust so much,
too much maybe?
So much so that we just begin to do things without much consideration.
Things that are spontaneous,
things that are out of fun.

And sometimes, we just forget that not everyone is as tolerant
nor share the same view as us.

But just like fireworks,
that's how friendships should be isn't it,
how very different elements manage to come together dancing in their own way
but yet strangely still able to find common ground,
and finally, coming to complement one another.

I can't promise you that there will not be repeats of such pranks-go-wrong,
neither can I promise you that there will not be any more big blow-ups.
For doing so will put me on tenterhooks,
watching my actions, my words consciously
and I don't wanna stop being myself.
What happened hurt me just as much as it does you.
But friendships are like that I suppose.
I'm a rather mild character.
And I don't get angry unless I really care.
So if we ever get into another heated argument in future,
don't ever forget that.

I think this could be why heaven made both of us females.
So that none of us will give up when the going gets rough.

要到十年的友谊是一种罕见的福气。
女人，我珍惜那胖胖傻傻的你!

2008-08-30T20:31:00.000+08:00

I've always thought that as a lady,
one of the things you absolutely have to know,
and not only know,
but to be a master at,
is strutting down the streets in a pair of drop-dead gorgeous heels.

If you can't do that,
you're nothing but an ordinary girl.

There's just something in a pair of heels,
that evokes this helpless urge in you to turn your head for that first look
of the face behind that enigmatic "klock"
of heels against solid ground.
And it's a plus point if she's hot.

There's just something in a pair of heels,
that makes a lady go crazy
to wanna slip her feet into them
and withstand the torture that she knows is in store for her.

Ah....The price of vanity.

But it isn't just plain old vanity.
It's more than that.

It's the "I feel good~ nana nana nana na~ I'm feeling so good now~" kinda feel
that has this magical ability to turn a lady from an insecured,
ill-treated step daughter all covered in cinders and ashes,
into a beautiful princess all but oozing sexy confidence,
one that captivated a prince and had him worshiping her glass slipper
like the biggest fool ever born.

Now I really don't think he'd roamed his kingdom with the lone footwear
had it been flats or flip-flops.
I know I wldn't go ard searching for the owner of a pair of crocs,
if I were him.

For awhile now,
I have surrendered to the evil comforts of slippers and humble flats.
And I hadn't realised how badly I had deteriorated
until I met up with Jiao Lao Shi and provider Zee for ktv

and seen how the former pranced around in her forever high heels
as if she is shoe-less.

She is really 老师。
Not only can she run the stan chart marathon in her skyscraper heels,
eat like Michael Phelps - a tonne of holey tofu followed by a herd of cows,
she can also,
like Phelps,
win 8 Olympic gold medals
that is,
if they ever have an event called KTV

So the day after,
I gritted my teeth and prepared for war with my red devil-wears-prada heels.
With sheer determination I fought my way down the flight of stairs.
Fresh from the triumph over the waves of dizziness that crashed over me
as I hobbled down the stairs,
I made my way to the bus stop,
gripped the railings on the exceptionally crowded bus
like my life depended on it,
managed the 15 min walk to my office,
lasted the six grueling hours of work,
and mind you!
Work included dragging the stupid,
heavy mail bags to and fro like an idiot
as the rest of the aunties and especially
the two stupid boys abandoned me (But that's another story for another day).

As the day wore out,
so did the skin on my heels, my feet, and good old tenacity.
I was convinced that the particular pair of red heels
at my feet was designed for the devil himself.
I began to look yearningly at my batch mate, Ballball's shoes.

At Dhoby Gaut, I finally bid goodbye to the red devil with a grimace.
Afterall, it had kept me company from *hub, to **as, and finally to SP*.
It had walked many painful distance with me,
seen many places with me
including my first and only visit to Hooters (No, I wasn't workin there, dumbass)
and shared many experiences with me
like the first and only time Dear Dew and Mu actually ventured to MOS
only to be frightened away by the queue for instance.

So at Dhoby, I ruthlessly swopped my old pal for a new companion,

and continued my refresher course with heels.

I trekked from Central to Clinic at Cannery the wrong way,
and finally the correct but long way,
collected my Nike run pack,

modelled the clarke quay area with my comfy new companion,
cat-walked back to Central for dinner and deserts,

and finally concluded the long day with a long MRT ride back home
playing the balancing game while hanging on to the railings for dear life,
followed by the long, precarious walk home.

Just when I wanted to give myself a pat on the back
for my perseverence in this re-acquaintance program with heels,
just as the block of flats I call home
came within sight, within reach,
I lifted my right leg to cross the treacherous, deceptively low curb
the final obstacle that provider Zee had so easily stepped across,
as she continued yakking beside me,
I felt my world tilt just 15 degrees,
and very instinctively grabbed her as I let out a yelp.

Puzzled,
she looked down at my shoe-less right foot in shock
as I turned into an uncontrollable
whiny, laughing, messy mass.

You see,
I didn't intend for myself to look like a portrait of comical clumsiness
standing two feet on the curb,
the left nicely elevated, wrapped in pretty purple heels,
the right, right beside it, where it belongs,
but with ugly toenails exposed,
and the right shoe dejected lying sideways below the curb.

The thing no one realises about heels is this.
Like a woman,
it takes getting used to.
It takes time, and effort to get to know,
to get to understand.
For heels,
if you wanna climb a curb,
u got to lift your feet higher than you usually do
unlike flats where your whole feet is at the same level.
You gotta be aware that the ball of your feet is already,
because of your footwear, naturally lifted.

SO YOU SHOULDN'T ATTEMPT TO LOWER THEM TO THE SAME LEVEL AS
THE FRONT OF YOUR FEET BEFORE YOU EVEN CROSS THE CURB
HOWEVER LOW THAT CURB MAY BE

Because then you would trip in front of the coffeeshop
that you walked a million times past
and where you know you'll walk a million times more
leaving your one ugly foot open to scare the living daylights out of all
especially when you're dressed exceptionally "funky" that day
(As told by your colleagues)

P.S It's funky, not fugly ok, Ms Hung!

I should have known better after 22 years of getting in and out of clumsy situations.
There will never be a graceful ending for adventures that I star in.

So the question is, to heel or not to heel?

Just as the saying goes,
don't wear an over-sized hat if you've got a small head.
Don't insist on turning yourself into that stiletto babe
you always turn for a second look
whenever you hear that sexy "klock" coming down your way,
when you are obviously just that overlooked girl next door.

It's far more embarrassing if you fall flat on your face
just as that hot stranger turns around for a look at you
as you come "klocking" or rather, "plopping" down his way.

But you see,
it isn't that I refuse to take my own advice,
but how can you expect me to when I have at least 5 pairs of heels in my collection?
A collection that I predict can only expand.
It's not like they will just miraculously disappear,
and it's a waste of money leavin them pretty things hidden away in the closet.

So mark my words,
I will befriend my heel-y pals and
I will one day turn into that sexy thing 'klocking' down your way
in sky-high heels.

One day.

Until then,
keep your eyes focused on my face
or my B-flat chest
and pretend you didn't see the flip flops at my feet.

Better still,
look the other way
when I collapse into a humiliating crumbled heap on the floor
with my stilettos having flew 500 miles away from me
while I struggle to find my way
to heel nirvana.

2008-08-26T20:32:00.010+08:00

On Friday, 22nd August

1st half:

2nd half:
As we huddled around the round table,
with the blare of the tiu tiu tiu music forming a protective film around us,
hugging us as we chatted,
as we told stories,
even as we cat-fought.

It always is the case I suppose,
how a woman will always be forgiving towards her man,
how she can forever be able to find excuses for all the wrongs he put her through.

And just as similarly,
it will always be the good friend who has problems with the boyfriend.
How she always feels indignant on her behalf for the way the boyfriend treats her,
how she always shares a love-hate relationship with the beau.

Love him- for he makes the good friend happy
Hate him- for the way he treats her like a fool

And there we have it too,
around the same table,
the contrast between the women who have bravely entered into relationships before,
and those who are still stubbornly insisting on waiting for the right one,
however cliche that sounds.

The difference in expectations is staggering,
I must say.

As the harsher women pit themselves against their milder counterparts,
as the different beliefs clash,
as questions of,
"I don't understand how u can allow him to blah blah blah...."
and their corresponding replies of
"But it's like that what. No choice also, I'm ok de blah blah blah...."
bounced off one another like an exciting table tennis match,
the type of foolishness that I have always wondered how women could let themselves sink into
suddenly became clear in that split second.

Foolishness is really self-defined in this case.
What is foolish to me,
may simply be practical realism to another.
Similarly, what is to me rightful behavior,
can turn out to be merely prideful idealism to another.

From innocent little girls with open hearts,
we grow into young ladies with bright expectations of the future,
the future that is a perfect portrait as told by our mums,
as told in fairytales,
the perfect picture of cheery smiles and happily ever afters.
Then within the blink of an eye that came too soon,
caution took over as hot tears washed those stardust away.

Don't we all love to reminisce about the good old days,
to talk about the past,
what we love about it,
and what we would love to change?
And don't we all just love to laugh at the young ones,
as they fumble with their lives,
as we gleefully watch them tread or in some cases,
STAMPEDE their way in their lives into the same big black hole
that we ourselves have once fallen into before?

I do.

To champagne, margaritas, chicken wings,
to loud, hearty laughters,
and women in their 20s

Cheers~

2008-08-18T21:03:00.000+08:00

Ohana means family~

The other day my friend Zee the provider lent me Xiao Zhu's concert DVD,
and I found a particular segment especially touching.
So touched was I that I could not help turning into a watery mess each time I watched it.

It was an inspiring show of ultimate filial piety.
His father passed away some time ago,
and ever since,
he has always kept an empty seat beside his mother in all of his concerts,
firmly believing in the presence of his father being there,
despite his physical absence.
During this concert,
it was his mother who fell seriously ill.
In his frustration,
he lost his temper at (I suppose) the divine being
that HE was being extremely cruel to him
by always threatening to take away people who are dearest to him
whenever he stages a concert

Life is an extremely fragile thing.
And family,
it takes a special kind of affinity to be one.

Although mine is a lil wacky,
it is whole.

So, in celebration of this completeness,
I took them out to sample some good food lately.

The day after National Day we went to try out their set lunch for 4,
all thanks to Thomas Ng advertising it,
then starring in "a perfect cut" which left my mum with a serious crush over him.
That was about $185 worth of crush.
Food's not bad,
especially the coconut seafood soup,
which appealed to me aesthetically.
Best is what I call the quality of the spare ribs.
The set comes with desert that's supposedly
Hashima (background pic)

The last time I went to peony jade with the star-bers left me wanting for more.
So I took my family, plus grandma there yesterday afternoon.

Unfortunately, my pathetic paycheck could only afford their lunch buffet,
which amounted to close to $40/ pax after all the irritating pluses.
Boo boo to the replacement of my wasabi prawn with oats prawn.
I miss my WASABI PRAWNSSSSS!!!!
Kudos to the soft shell crab with pork floss-Still as good as I remember.
Other worth mentioning is the shark's fin soup which REALLY has flakes
yes, I mean it, thick thick FLAKES of fin.
My brother fell in love with the black peppered beef
and stir fried venison.
The other dishes are good too.
You noe how it is tt restaurants often make their buffet food substandard.
Peony Jade on the other hand,
is worthy of the many awards they have stacked on their walls.
Even buffet food is just as carefully prepared.
The fact that I haf no time to snap pics of food should be testimony enough.
Given how satisfied everyone is with the meal,
I foresee me bringin them back for more,
hence, delicious pics soon.
*After my pay comes in that is.
One day, when my paycheck gets fatter,
I'll bring them back for a real treat from their ala carte menu*

So more human pics to make up for the lack of food pics.

So there, my family.
A bimbo mum,
a himbo dad who cracks jokes that only he himself finds funny,
and a leech of a brother.
A little abnormal, but happy unit.

*And we can DEFINITELY be happier if ti gong pohpi tt my parents strike behpio then maybe I can claim some "reimbursements"*

You can probably tell, the elders are not that young anymore.
As we walked to the restaurant, you can see grandmother lagging at the back.
The brat of a brother slowed his steps and fell into line beside her.
As much a rascal as he is, he has heart :)

Daddy is the man of the family.
Although most of the time,
the one you see shouting the commands
and sending all of us into a panicked scatter is my mum.
He is still the quiet one,
still mumbling his words inaudibly,
and we still hafta "huh" him at least twice
before we caught the unfunny jokes that he tells.
Sometimes, most of the time,
his jokes are really not worth the extra effort to "huh".
Lately, his hunchback has been getting worst.
My daddy isn't getting any younger,
yet he still works just as hard,
doing his best,
carrying the heavy load around the warehouse.

My mum still is the blur bimbo that she always has been.
Just last week,
she put on her new wig and shades
and insisted that I take a photo of her

"So Korean Tai Tai!!!" she gushed as she admires her photo,
"Send me send me!!" she pleaded like a giggly little girl.
But lately, she doesn't seem to remember things as well as before.
And she certainly isn't as alert as she used to be.

Age is certainly catching up on them.
Yet most often than not,
we are sadly too engrossed in our own busy lives to notice that.
It is true that we only live once,
and there's this saying that we should always live our lives to the fullest,
live high when we're young,
collect interesting stories so we can relive their glory when we're old and wrinkly
or like some irritating others do,
brag about them to others whenever the chance arises.

And in our selfishness,
we forget,
that our parents too,
only live once.

And the scariest thing is,
You never know just when that "once"
would be up.

2008-08-17T21:34:00.005+08:00

Greetings from the babe,
who is obviously not the blog owner here.

I am neither brave enough,
nor rich enough,
to go under the knife,
thank you very much.

Unless it's Christian Troy....
*Sighs~ *hot*hot*hot*

So the silly me thought that I was lucky to win two tickets to the national day parade.
And then Look what happened.
It just has to start pouring -_-!!

And while the bunch of us were suffering in the rain
struggling with the takglam ponchos,
(I have no idea wat dew is so happy about...)

the other 1/2 of LK were comfortably nestled in Manyzer Hung's office.

Lookin at the brewerkz and chicken wings just makes my blood boil.
Hello, we only had some stupid buns can!!!
And u noe how passionate I am about food.

So to take revenge,
and to commemorate the 1st yr anniversary of my 5yr bet,
we headed down to chomps and popped some choya

We are all secret alcohol connoiseurs.
I'm covering my face cos I noe it's damn red,
and I'm lazy to have to photoshop it to avoid lookin like some drunk idiot.

In all the merrymaking and choya drinking,
we never forgot limei and her signature pose.
So this is for you MEI!!!

Hand big enough not?

To 4 more years of singlehood
*cue: fireworks
More craziness
(in the middle of the road....b4 we even touched any alcohol)
And more doses of my lovely ladies
Cheers to Singapore,
to our silver-winning table tennis team,
and to us.

Fireworks festival next!!
Woohoo!!

A long overdue NDP post
that I thought was apt to put up today
since it's the day of the table tennis match that every singaporean
is talking abt.
Hahahaha~

2008-08-15T20:42:00.002+08:00

On a very ordinary day a few ordinary days ago,
a very ordinary me opened my very ordinary email account
just to do a very ordinary routine check.

To my surprise,
I received a NOT-THAT-ORDINARY mail.

It just says,
in a very ordinary way,

hey babe,

havent seen u update ur blog for ages. everything alright? email me.

xoxo,
angie

And just like that,
she made my very ordinary day,
extraordinary.

Thank you Angeline Tan Lay Ting.
I felt the warmth all the way from across the big blue ocean,
all the way from where you are in Australia :)

You see,
I genuinely enjoy writing.
I actually do take pride in what I blog about.
In my humble opinion, there are too many blogs in cyberspace
filled with boring crap written with lousy, uninteresting English,
not to mention going into irritatingly meaningless details,
it really doesn't need another one.

I guess the bitchy me just hadn't fully realised
that blogging isn't just about the language,
or the content.

I used to wonder how people could be so vain,
to stuff their blogs so full of pictures that are not even pretty or handsome
to begin with,
or to blog about everything and anything that happens to them
even though they noe,
(I mean, how can they NOT KNOW )
that reading their written English is an unbearable torment.

Blogs actually serve a deeper purpose,
a much more meaningful one,
one that gives even the boring-est person alive,
the right to that piece of cyberspace,
yes, even the right to produce "cyber-pollution",
"cyber-contamination"

simply because it gives the people who care about you
a chance to peek into your life,
a way of knowing how you are doing,
and a way of holding on to that friendship
in their own time,
in their own special ways.

And she says:
I got a little paranoid and worried for a while,
thinking adverse stuff happened to u and I didnt know
coz ur blog is really the only way i know that u are alive.
so yup i decided to email u,
just in case, you know.
i found it weird that u totally didnt blog for so long.
im nt a big fan of wordy blogs
(yes, im a visual person, the better looking the better i like it)
but i actually enjoy reading urs
(nt that u dont have nice photos)
coz i thought it is witty and funny and it cracks me up after a tough day sometimes.

ey, am i doing a good job at persuading u to blog again?

You did an excellent job at it in fact.

2008-07-17T20:13:00.004+08:00

You don't have to drive a fancy car
Don't have to quote me Shakespeare
Just to woo me...

Some time ago,
a friend of mine was just sharing about
how some people simply have the incredible power to
make her day simply by changing his MSN nick to reflect
"happy birthday"
while some other,
more unfortunate self,
even after having delivered a cake to her doorstep
at 12 midnight sharp,
merely earned a look of disgust from her.

I was shocked.

I mean,
wouldn't you be touched if somebody were to do that for you?
I thought so.
I thought I would be touched.

The feeling of being touched,
that feeling of warmth travelling all the way
from the top of ur head,
to the ends of ur toes,
shouldn't be caused by a person justby being himself.
But rather,
shouldn't it be the result of an action?

A person shouldn't have that kind of privilege,
to determine your every smile,
ur every tear,
ur every heartbeat.

It should have been the actions that count,
the act itself,
independent of the actor,
that shd speak volumes of the person himself,
that defines what that person is,
and tells u how important you are to him.

Every sweet act should warrant a merit point
in the scorecard of the individual,
while every disappointment should be marred by a black mark.
Isn't this how it should work?

Two days ago,
I experienced myself the intensity of the contrast,
and how flawed my belief was.

How different the emotions the exact same words evoked
when it comes from two different persons.

The unconscious smile,
and that burst of warmth that seemed to come from deep within,
as opposed to the grimace and eye-rolling.
The irrepressible desire to reply to the simple msg with a mischievous one
as opposed to the desire to delete the msg without even bothering to reply.

What is a merit point for one,
can actually be a demerit for the other.

Women are really an irrational lot.

It all boils down to the "who"
after all.

And it doesn't even matter that it's all the "whats"
that makes up the "who",
in the first place.
As long the "who" is alrdy established.

Cos it's your soul that makes me fall in love with you
-Mr Beasley, Corinne May

2008-07-14T21:02:00.003+08:00

"We want alot of things in life,
but it doesn't mean that we need them
to be happy," says the pie maker (Pushing Daisies)

I want to be slim and beautiful
I want to be rich
I want to be able to feast on good food without
having to put on weight
or having to work a day in my life.

So unrealistic.

Over the years,
I've simply learnt to only want to be happy.
And being happy is spending precious Saturdays with people who are important to me,
so I can laugh like there's no tomorrow,
eat like a pig,
and be as silly as I want
without a care about consequences.

So last Saturday,
I chose to spend it with my girlfrens from secondary sch (like what's new ?)

It was a beautiful Saturday.
The most precious day of the week,
and I chose to gif it to my fren, WoWo,
who needs to shop for a fridge with four ticks energy-saving level.

We checked out the electrical store in my quiet neighbourhood,
then hopped over to everything-also-have Toa Payoh.
And while we were in the midst of combing Toa Payoh central,
we walked past a hair salon.

No, I did not go in and chop off anymore hair.

Wowo was sharing that that salon was not bad.
At least her hair dresser's not bad.
Curious,
my provider and I prodded her for name,
or descriptions of what that not-bad hairdresser looked like
so that we can go to her to tidy our almost non-existent mane.

And she pointed at me,

"Like you lor, 肥肥 (fat fat) de!!"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(*^&^%^%#&^()*%$#$#@

The 3 letter word that I worked so hard to disassociate myself from
surfaced once again to haunt me.
I was traumatised enough during my time in "the world's local bank"
when a colleague called me F**.

And just when I've learnt to put it all behind me.....
When I regard regarded her as important enough to give my Saturday evening to......
in search of a fridge with 4 ticks and of a reasonable budget with no dimensions
of her home to reference to somemore.....

*Eyes brimming with tears that are threatening to overflow, daintily (of cos)*
*Dabs edge of eyes with a silk hanky (daintily of cos)*

"So what do you need to be happy?" Asked Chuck to the pie maker.
"You," he replied simply.

As for me,
what I need is even simpler.
I just need to get my butt out of my house,
and run more.

2008-07-08T20:54:00.002+08:00

After messing with the zohan last tuesday,
I dragged the homo-dragon-boater to goodwood park with me
in search of the famous durian cake.

Unfortunately,
as soon as we conquered the confusing maze
leading up to the ever more confusing entrance,
and found a fellow human being to ask for directions
to that treasure that I was so determined to own,

"Next time, come before 9."

&**&^&^$&^()*&%$#

So while I was inwardly cursing about my ill-fate,
the homo dragon-boater was going on and on about the updates in his life.
I was so lost.

Well, firstly,
there were so many girls that he was telling me about,
and secondly,
that dumbdumb refused to tell me their names so that I can better tell them apart.

"It's because I like to keep my life compartmentalised" he tells me.

By compartmentalising,
it means keeping different parts of his life segregated in their safe little zones.
It means no possibility of me getting acquainted with
or finding out more of what the other people are really like.

It means sharing updates,
like stories,
with nameless,
faceless characters.

So we identify with situations
but not persons.
So we remain neutral,
or,
according to him,
even if I don't remain neutral,
I'll probably be on his side.

It keeps him safe.
It lets him keep the power to control the impressions that he creates.

Lately, two of my girlfriends ended their respective relationships.
It really says alot about the theory.

Button's relationship ended even before we had adjusted to her being attached.
And contrary to the guy's jubilant announcement of the news of their being together,
and wanting to introduce her to everyone and anyone,
buttons kept her status hush hush,
her life still in their organised files,
and him,
away from the other parts of her life.

When it all ended,
her life remained intact,
and relatively unaffected.
I can't say the same for him though.

Lemonade on the other hand trusted the relationship enough
to remove all the dividers and throw her boyfriend into the blending machine,
together with the other parts of her life.
And when he decided that he wanted more than
just staying in the embrace of her love,
he just walked away,
leaving everyone else to pick up what's left of the destruction he's caused
without a backward glance.

As boundaries are blurred and removed,
we are inevitably thrown into the realm of vulnerability.
Of course,
everyone would want their loved ones to know of one another.
Everyone who has people who are important to them
should feel this way.

At least I believe that people who are important to me,
should know of the existence of the other people who are important to me.
Simply because these people are an integral part of my life,
and naturally,
they should know about the other people
who are the pieces of the jigsaw that makes me who I am.

To compartmentalise,
or not to compartmentalise,
it's eventually,
a question of trust.

How sure are you that after letting that person into your life,
he/she will not hurt the other people you hold dear,
by walking away after they've all learnt to love him/her
because of you?

So the homo-dragon-boater and I settled on a way
to distinguish among his many leading ladies.
We use apt nicknames such as "busty girl" , "the grinder"
just to name a few.

At the end of the night I asked him,

"So, does it mean that if I ever meet your future wife,
I'll only come to know and address her as THE WIFE?"

and I'm glad to hear his response

"Of course not! You'll be invited to our wedding, in case you're wondering.
By then, everyone should already know her name."

I should hope so!
When the time comes dear boy,
it'll bring a smile to your face every time you say her name.
And hopefully,
she'll change you enough so you start enjoying your meals and
none of your guests will walk away with calorie counters as door gifts
for your wedding.

2008-07-06T17:37:00.002+08:00

Two days ago,
I turned twenty-two.

No one week celebration and elaborate gifts this time round,
probably because I'm tired of day after day meet-ups,
even though it's to celebrate MY birthday.
And there's no wishlist this year to refer to.

After more than 2 decades of 4th July,
I guess it just does not matter that much anymore.
They say that all birthdays after ur 21st pale in comparison,
and gets more and more insignificant.

I think I agree.

So this year,
I got another "mini-hamper" from AM,
a satisfying meal,
chats all the way into the night,
until the restaurant closes,
until Novena Square is shrouded with a cloud of serenity.

She wished me love.
And I think that is the most valuable gift she can ever give me.
She says I don't believe in love,
and because of that,
unfortunate guys end up taking the rap for the state I'm in.

I knew I was running from myself since a long time ago.
I never doubted that.
And maybe the root of my problem was the very real relunctance of leaving my comfort zone
of being scared,
of finding out the answers because
I don't want to find out that they are not what I had in mind,
that I'm wrong.

It isn't because I refuse to believe in love, my sweet.
It's precisely because I believe in it,
that is why I'm not willing to give it a shot.
My beliefs in this elusive concept called love,
is something I'm unwilling to give up on.

She found love in her own special way.
And judging from the glow she exudes,
no one shd be blaming her, hating her,
or telling her that she's wrong,
even though she might really be.

Life is too short and bitter,
why make it worst? (courtesy of boss!)

As for me,
life is already immersed in mundane bitterness,
why bother to take the risk and have all your illusions shattered?

For now,
I'm happy living in this cocooned state that I'm in.

I have everything that I could possibly want right now.
I 'm temping at my ideal company (although the job is not.)
I earn enough to feed myself good food (well, once in a while)
I can afford to go on a rampage online spree (well...sometimes)
and I've got the most wonderful people in my life,
the best I could ever hope to meet,
to call "MY FRIENDS".

I hate the timetable SIM stuck me with though,
but I don't think anyone can give a GOOD timetable for my BIRTHDAY.

So really,
what more birthday wishes could I have?

For these good things to go on into eternity? (probably not, with the sort of karma I've been accumulating)
For money to fall from the sky? (I wish!)
For excellent academic results (without having to work for it)?
For good health, slim waist, and huge boobs (while injesting junk food)?
More durians (without falling sick)?

Spain winning world cup 2010 (with Tor winning golden boot)?

Nah, simplicity has its virtue.

Happy 22nd to myself :)

2008-06-29T19:27:00.002+08:00

I'm so angry!
I'm so angry!!

I'm soooooo angry!!!!!

I've been reading the speculations of some supposed experienced soccer watchers
about the starting line-up for tonight's super important match.

And the bloody idiots were saying tt
the Gyoza shd start instead of Tor,
while Fab plays in place of Vi.

SSSSHOLES!!!!!

You can't just decide who is a better player based on the no. of goals scored.

So what if he is the top scorer for la liga?
So what if he netted more goals than Tor in uefa 2008?
Tor performed OUTRAGEOUSLY well in his 1st season in EPL too ok.

The gyoza was plain lucky cos Fab was sharp in his assist in the match against Russia,
and the defenders were already tired out chasing Tor and
thus needless to say, were paying him less attention.

I mean, after all, his name is not FERNANDO TORRES.

And excuse me,
don't forget that he is that idiot who missed the penalty against Italy.

Tor has not performed up to expectations,
that's true.
But even his disappointing performances are better than the Gyoza's surprisingly good ones.

I'm not well-versed in the art of watching soccer,
but I can identify deft dribbling
(like the one Tor demonstrated to gain a corner for Spain against Italy),
I can identify selfless play
(like the numerous times he assisted in goals),
and that's something the gyoza can never do.

Can't these people see that the gyoza is just lucky?
Waiting out for brilliant opportunities and passes from people like Fab?

I'm so angry!!!
I'm so angry!!!
I'm still angry!!!!

And I get angry every time I see people sayin tt Tor shd sit out on tomorrow morning's match.

It's alrdy super worrying tt Vi'll miss the match.
Let's hope Ballack will miss it too.
And that stupid Gyoza will not play in place of Vi of Tor.

There's a reason why Tor is in the 1st team,
and there's a reason why Liverpool was willing to pay more than 20million for him.

The Gyoza will never be a fit replacement for him.

N dumbdumb Tor,
you better justify my anger over these speculations by playing well....

2008-06-29T18:03:00.002+08:00

Whether it's heart pain,
or heart Spain,

It'll all be revealed in less than 11 hours time.

I doubt I'll be getting any sleep tonight.

And dumbdumb Tor,
u better don't disappoint me again.
U're in serious danger of losing your no. 1 spot to Sil or Cas....

2008-06-18T20:54:00.003+08:00

Premonition:
a feeling of evil to come; a steadily escalating sense of foreboding
(Dictionary.com)

Just a few days ago,
while galpal n I were having a mini sms-chat,
I told her that life's too good for me.
I don't believe in no strings attached bliss.
Afterall, I'm not exactly a good person.
I shdn't have a blessed life.

There's just this feeling of unease that I cannot seem to shake off,
like something bad is about to happen.

It did yesterday.
And it came in the form of an sms.

"**AS asked me to resign..." the incoming sms read.

Despite my disbelief,
I knew that it's true.
There and then,
I understood its implications.

It wasn't something that I swallowed easily.
It wasn't easily digestible.

Afterall, who can take the news of being asked to leave
in a calm manner?

This is definitely a stupid mistake.
An effective management wouldn't undertake such foolish actions.

You talk abt cost-cutting.
I don't see how asking your most experienced,
most productive staff to leave cuts your costs,
when you are actively recruiting new staff with not even fluff for their brains,
with no basic common sense to speak off,
not to mention the lack of manners and maturity,
and paying them wages for a training that they don't even bother paying attention to.

Call centres have notoriously high turn-over,
resulting in costly mistakes due to wrong information conveyed.
We didn't choose to abandon the organisation to the vices of the newbies,
we were asked to.

Good luck to you my dear organisation.
I look forward to seeing your name being mentioned in the papers again.
No doubt, with people lidat,
people apt at hiding malicious intentions behind friendly smiles
manning the helm.

No wonder talents never remain in public service.
Because honestly,
it doesn't look as if these are valued.

All good things come to an end.
The person who coined the phrase must be a genius.
They say only idiots repeat these famous sayings.
As it is now,
I don't mind being the idiot,
because it's proven isn't it,
that there are always bigger idiots out there
PHYSICALLY as well as mentally?

AM once told me that she's always found it amazing that in all the time that she knew me,
she's never once heard me say anything bad abt said organisation.
It has always been nice things.

Let this be the first and last time then.

Disappointment:
A state of being depressed or discouraged due to the failure of one's hopes or expectations
(dictionary.com)

2008-06-16T21:36:00.004+08:00

Please don't blame me for my lack of updates despite the end of exams.
I just find that there are alot of more meaningful,
more important matters to attend to,
such as doing my part to uphold justice.

I told u I was busy.

2008-06-08T14:30:00.000+08:00

Waking up with delicious aches in certain parts of the body
sure makes me feel like a real woman....
one who finally got herself off the couch
and finally taking pro-active measures to reducing that inflating tummy.

I caught SATC the movie,
and religiously followed the series over at trusty tudou.com
I've gotta say,
it is inspiring.
So much so that I've this urge to give up on flats and revert to my old heels day.

Isn't it empowering,
to know that women can and do lead independent lives the way men do?

Doesn't it just fill the average woman with optimism again to hear Big say
"There are alot of gorgeous women ard, but after awhile, u just want to be with somebody who can make u laugh"

*SIGH*

Don't u just love OLD MEN?

The GSS isn't making life that much easier too.
Since I don't have the budget to shop yet,
I figured we cld do a lil SATC the S'pore way- EAT

Afterall, Carrie and gang eat too, at atas places, with high-class deserts and all.

So did the four of us.

It really is quite unfair u noe,
when the girls get to savour their food and still manage to look like stick figures on screen.
And I sincerely believe that slapping on make-up
and wrecking your brain deciding on what clothes to wear do not burn excessive calories.
So after the sinful afternoon of affordable foodcourt food and the
not so affordable 10 scoops of ice-cream later,
the remaining 3 girls decided to work it off.

Boss of cos, took after Samantha and headed home to prepare for her
~~"special sushi feast"~~ night-out

The route covered:
My place->Zee's place->MacRitchie-> ~~Sinfully Cheesy Italian food n waffles~~
Cheapo S'pore aunty style kopitiam dinner->Zee's place-> Home Sweet Home.

So the very SATC style Sat went down the drain as the day turned into night.
But the friendship remains.

The very ATAS lifestyle,
the mindsets we shared are indeed as different as different can be.
But there's one thing in common I'm sure,
and that is,
the very real future of bdays celebration together year after year
until we're 50 n even beyond.

No doubt our lives may change,
with people, like in the show,
having found their respective partners and living life happily ever after,
our presence in one another's lives would still remain a constant.

In tears,
in laughter,
even in anger.
In glam-ness,
in fugly-ness,
even in kumgong-ness.
And yes, in smeared black bicycle oil too,

Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours.

I told 1/3 of LK just last night over dinner that Saturdays are special.
Saturdays are the days reserved for people important to me.
And I only just realised how much I meant that.
Sundays on the other hand,
are reserved for reliving the memories of the day b4.

2008-06-05T21:17:00.005+08:00

So this morning,
just like every other female in the world,
I confronted the eternal puzzle of having a closet bursting with clothes,
and finding nothin to wear.

The only difference is,
I was scheduled for an interview with a well-known publishing firm in the unearthly hour of 9
and my agent stressed on only two words,
OFFICE WEAR.

I gave it a real serious thought.
I threw on a layered crochet skirt tt fell below the knee,
a Baleno black tank,
and my pair of bright red faux patented leather shoes
to add a lil excitement to my boring outfit.

Donning a long-sleeved shirt and G2000 pants never crossed my mind.
Afterall, they're only paying $6/hr.

Apparently,
it crossed everybody else's minds.

The other 2 candidates wore exactly that,
paired with boring black pumps.

Guess who got the job?

Me.

Guess what's the eventual rate tt I'm gonna b paid?

$6.50

I like to think tt I owe my success to the pair of bright red shoes,
instead of my very boring language abilities.
I also like to think tt my decision to accept this pathetic paying job would reap me greater returns in future.

Fine, fine,
So what if I ran into 2 cute ang mos who smiled at me while I was in the lift?
You can't seriously believe tt tt's d reason right?
Or at least tt wasn't the primary reason...

Oh, btw, did I mention tt the 1st interviewer was hot?

I must have died and gone to heaven.

But first,
I need to restock my alrdy bursting wardrobe.

I mean, don't u need new stuff to wear in heaven?

2008-06-02T15:29:00.008+08:00

whenbiziblogs about the chiongster in her being aroused,
she unwittingly reminded me that it had been ages since I let myself indulge in the anomic state of booty-shakin n the accompanying minimal alcohol intake.

Like I said b4,
I still don't like
nor approve of the whole idea that being in a club is equivalent to
being handed a license to silence your morals,
and give in to primal instincts.
Sigmund Freud said that in every human being
there's an ID, a Super ego, and an Ego that mediates between the two.
It definitely seems as if
the superego and ego are Cinderellas who leave for home before midnight.
Moreover there seems to be this warped idea
tt all girls who are brainless enuf to put themselves on the hunting ground ie gone clubbing,
are fair game.

That said,
I've gotta be completely honest.
It is still flattering to be hit on,
shiok to turn them down,
and even more shiok to bitch abt their attempts.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

It sure seemed as thoh Deer and bak kwa were right to call me a bitch.
They were too polite to say it to my face of cos.
But their thought bubbles were pretty obvious I must say,
with "BITCH" in red. Bold and underlined.

It's really nothing to be sad abt.
I take it as a compliment
cos accordin to them
bitches are always more enjoyable to be ard.
Supper with them is laughter-filled as always,
spontaneous as usual,
enriched with nonsensical theories and less fattening.
I mean, given the fact tt I was coerced and dragged off to chomps
I don't think it right tt there shd b any weight gain on my end.

Life is starting to feel more like life ever since exams ended.
These days I find myself getting acquainted with the welcomed sense of emptiness
following the departure of stess,
not to mention the very trying task of recalling the activities tt felt so fun
when I was struggling to convince myself to slog my guts out.
Somehow, they just don't feel as fun anymore.

So I'm spending my time in front of my desktop hammering away on the keyboard,
boring pple to tears with my incessant ramblings,
stocking up on draft posts waiting to be published
(Must control myself to publishing only a post a day mah...regulation of supply)
while simultaneously counting down the days to work,
to ritual Sat lunches,
to cruising with mummy,
to cheapo honeymoon with Dew in Malacca,
to the lovely lined-up meet-ups.

I'm lovin every minute of this shameless lifestyle
Of course.

Dear wo, I kept my promise.
No exposure of embarrassing stuff , n ugly pics of u on public domain.
Haha~

2008-06-01T15:24:00.002+08:00

This year,
my friend AM decided to celebrate her bday at pitstop wit her bunch of close frens
(At least tt's what my ego likes to think of myself-a close fren of hers :P)

And I hafta say,
she always makes the weirdest decisions.
Don't misread me.
By weird I do not mean that it's BAD,
I only meant to say that they are things that I will not do,
such as throwing a small scale gathering among frens who don't noe each other.

I've have always thot tt it takes courage and a whole lot of confidence to throw a large scale party and gather all your friends.

Courage because you need that to deal with disappointments in the event
that friends don't turn up.
And confidence because there'll b a huge mess of people to deal with if they do turn up.

A small scale gathering in this case needs even more determination to carry thru.
There're alrdy limited number of names on the guest list,
which means that a few absence cld mean a very ugly turn-out,
not to mention the stab to your ego
and the painful knowledge that you actually do not matter as much to them
as you thought you do.
And if everyone who's supposed to turn up, turn up.
It'll be an even greater headache making the atmosphere right
and ensuring that noone's neglected
because noone noes anybody else but you.

Yes, she makes the weirdest decisions.
But then again,
as long as she's happy,

HAPPY BDAY MS ANN-MARIE VALERIE WEE WEI LIN

I hope it was a blast for you.
It was an experience for me.

Because
never in my life have I ever been called a Samurai before
And an ah-lian samurai that guys like to take to dragonfly some more.
Whatever that's supposed to mean.

*Sigh*

That said,
I'm thinking that no matter how shitty that means,
it's still better than 兵马勇.

Please just tell me it is.....

2008-05-30T12:21:00.008+08:00

Hakuna Matata!!

How "wonderful" it is to wake up to annoying knocks on ur door.
So u kick the blankets aside and crawl out of bed and guess who's the idiot culprit?

Singpost.

What can I say?
Some 没行情 folks like us don't haf the luxury of waking up to personal couriers
armed with the romantic ammunition of beautiful blooms and yummy cakes.
So we make do with registered mail,
and a whole lot of imagination that it is an advance gift from the yet-to-make-himself-known-McPerfect
and not sth tt we paid for a long time ago.

Having SUPER DUPER SHORT-TERM MEMORY does have its merits.

You noe,
if Pepper Pots can "receive" a bday present from Tony Starks
before he himself even knows abt it,
why can't I "receive" sth from McPerfect?

2008-05-29T22:04:00.004+08:00

It's Friday, 29th May today.
And that means....

27th is over!!!

It's not an easy battle this yr.
Somehow the Zzzz monster seemed to be getting stronger,
and distractions are virtually everywhere!
Out of the blue, there emerged so many other MORE pressing matters to see to,
such as checking out the very important updates over at

http://community.livejournal.com/spreehouse
http://community.livejournal.com/sgspree
http://community.livejournal.com/_spree
http://community.livejournal.com/spreesgalore
http://community.livejournal.com/sprees_sg

Retail therapy leh!!

And the sanctuary@ indochine is my permitted luxury

I've given up on my hopes of topping the Psychology exams this yr.
To be honest, it felt seriously good when I topped the Soci exam last yr.
The feeling of holding that compliment letter from UOL,
it's indescribable.
I know it's just academic excellence,
in a module that is (according to Ewe) not even relevant to my major.
But the knowledge that u're better than ALL CANDIDATES takin the exam WORLDWIDE
is just gratifying beyond words.

And it meant even more to me especially after the damn A'Level results,
and that unforgettable snide by NTU.

That said,
I do understand that
somethings are just not meant to happen a second time.
I suppose this must be what a pageant queen feels
as she hands over her crown to the next reigning woman.

So as usual,
after a TRAUMATIC experience,
I chopped off my hair.

Tada~

I'm so amazed.
I never knew I had THAT much hair b4.

I knew I had a flat face all along thoh :P

2008-05-24T15:26:00.003+08:00

Riceflakes takes 5 minutes to put her notes away after her papers.
I don't understand how tossing out trash can take so long.

Just grab and throw into the furthest reaches of the cabinet can liao.
Crumpled edges also never mind.
Leave it there until mama comes along and complain abt clearing ur stuff....

Cause I believe
They don't call it the self-fulfilling prophecy for nothing.

More complete updates after 27th MAY
Can't wait to check out Asri's-girlfrens-auntie's-abt-to-gone- bust shop
@ far east for bargains.
Hope it still has shoes in my size.
Mustard coloured ones. I need replacement for tt damn Bangkok buy.
Bags too.
And my online buys are on the way to S'pore!!!
Yays!!!
And And!! Ironman, n Dippin Donuts.
I'll pop over, Sammi!!

And and! Can't u tell I dun wanna stop writing cos I dun wanna start on my books?

Somehow,
updating this way makes me feel less guilty cos I'm not "REALLY" blogging,
and yet allows me to delay studying.

OK, cannot liao. Must go. I don't want. Must go. OK lor.

-out-

2008-05-18T12:07:00.004+08:00

So I told her,
much as we try to keep everything within our control constant,
the world would still change.

Just because we chose to remain and spin circles on the same stationary spot,
doesn't mean that others cannot take their baby steps forward
and start to run.

So we try very hard,
to cast our world in stone.
Using all our might,
freezing it at its best,
at its most beautiful point in time,
only to find out that worlds overlap.

And unfortunately so,
this discovery is often the hardest thing to deal with.

Because sometimes,
we conveniently forget that the world we like to arrogantly call ours,
does not belong only to us alone.

It's a pity that we're all just tiny beings in this big big universe that we know so little of.
All we can do,
is try to adapt.
And if we can't,
I suppose we're all lucky that heaven blessed us with the ability to cry,
and even if that doesn't work,
we can always seek the refuge of self-denial.

2008-04-28T21:06:00.006+08:00

Stress is really eating my already minuscule brain bit by painful bit.
It's taking its perverse pleasure chewing,
nibbling,
occasionally spitting out the clumps of furball,
occasionally gagging on the mouthful of air
and happily
prolonging my endless suffering.

Sometimes it really gets so bad.

And this time,
I really think I've reached another level of attainment.

Two Saturdays ago I was actually on the very "multi-purpose" 105
on the way to meet up with my chachambo.
And I popped a tiny red pill before leaving the house in a bid to control
the very rebellious nose that stubbornly refuses to stop running.

Wat a big mistake.

The last thing I remembered seeing before I dozed off was the Australian school
en route to Braddell Road where my very missed provider currently resides.
(let's hope she has a better shelter for me come 30 yrs later)

For a long moment I slept,
weaving in and out of sweet dreams (that I shall not disclose or elaborate on this blog),
when suddenly,
I felt someone tapping my left arm.

Relunctantly I opened my eyes
and with much effort turned my head to look at the unfamiliar guy sitting beside me.

I saw his mouth moving,
moving.
It was moving.
And somewhere in my drugged brain I knew that he was saying something to me.
But somehow,
the words just don't seem to register in my mind.

So just like any normal person would do,
I looked around at my surroundings,
unconsciously trying to find cues of what he was tryin to convey.

My eyes fell upon the bus stop.

Yes, that bus stop opposite Trellis Towers.
The one near our dear ex-director of tou tou mo mo pte ltd.
That one that I always alight at to transit to 151 / 154 to school.

Ah hah!!
This young man must have been so kind to wake me up for fear that I would miss my stop!!!

And very unfortunately,
that was the very first thought that occurred to me.
And very unfortunately,
those were the very first words that came out of my mouth,

"I'm not going to school today."

"huh?"

What a sweet idiot, he hasn't registered what I said

So with a smile,
I repeated myself

"I said, I'm not going to school today"

and I began to turn my body to a more comfortable position to resume my nap.

"No! No! NO!! Bus conductor! Check ticket!!!"

-_-!!!

So yes,
I made an external attribution and blamed it on that horrid thing called stress.

I insist on sticking to my belief that despite all the empirical evidence against me,
I'm really,
honestly,
a really smart person.

Besides,
Boss says that there's this theory that the portrayed "us" in life,
is most oftenly
incongruent with the
REAL us.

If u,
yeah u,
readers do drop by,
kindly help do some housekeeping and blow away some of the dust
and cobwebs.
I'll probably be on a long hiatus till 27th May
when I'll do some updates on The Sanctuary and catch up on a bday post for my dear dewy.
Until then, take care of urselves
and have lotsa water in this dreadful weather.

*fairyinagoldfishbowl jumps off the precipice*

2008-04-20T13:08:00.009+08:00

She made a decision to cross the finishing line in the marathon
that she's been running for the past 7 yrs or so
come November 09.

It'd have been 9 years.
A very long time to run.

Hand in hand,
they've finally triumphed against all odds.

But as the victory parade draws near,
as she looks up as the podium that she's gonna step up to
to receive her medal,
she cringes.

That medal,
that circular ring that's gonna go around her neck,

Will it bind?
Will it cut?

She looks to her friends at the audience seat,
hoping for reassurance,
but her friends,
they merely smile.

Nodding,
nodding their heads,
they flashed her megawatt smiles.
Because to them,
winning is something they want for her.

Winning is happiness,
is it not?

A final end to that never-ending marathon.
A conclusion to that never-ending battle.

Finally,
they think,
she can take a rest,
finally she can rest on her laurels
and just breathe.

Close her eyes,
and take that nap that she's been longing for,
but never had the opportunity to.

Perhaps her friends,
with their kind intentions
and simple wishes,
just don't know the kind of reassurance that she's seeking from them.

The support to surrender to victory,
Or the support to triump over giving in to that supposed victory?

They don't,
and I suppose they never will.

And maybe,
just maybe,
she herself doesn't as well.

I guess sometimes,
when one has fought so hard and for too long,
it just becomes part of life to keep fighting.

And after all's been said and done,
and u've reached that illusive peak of that insurmountable mountain,
when victory is finally urs,
u'd strangely find a sense of loss
inhabiting that exact same void that used to be filled with the passion to keep going.

A sense of loss because suddenly,
there's nothing left for u to fight for,
and suddenly,
u dun remember what u've been fighting for anymore.

No,
u do know the reason that drove u thus far,
it's just that on hindsight,
that reason itself just seems so small,
so insignificant that u refuse to believe that u actually went all the way for such a thing.
And somewhere along the way,
that reason just disappeared,
and slowly,
gradually,
u're just fightin
to fight.

Durkheim talked about anomie.
That state of pandemonia,
of normlessness.
It's a vacuum,
a vacuum that's pregnant with chaos.

And it's anomic where u are.
It's a state I'll never know.
And even if I do,
I'd never know that exact situation that u're currently trapped in.

All I can ever hope for u
is to find that new lease that governs ur world.

To break from that bubble and emerge forth and stand tall,
just like the girl I've always known u to be.

Maybe,
just maybe,
stop for awhile,
just close ur eyes and look back,
go back to the time when it all started.

When flowers were more than mere red roses.
When dinners were more than just dinners,
When a smile says so much more than words can,

u may just discover again,
the reason why u were willing to brave the storms that u did.

2008-04-14T19:55:00.003+08:00

Mr Tan,
Singapore's risin poet says
远看花红红，
近看花有虫.

So I spent a fabulous night with gorgeous galpal,
2 so-so Singaporean men,
and a horde of hot Europeans last night

watching soccer at grapevine.

Or rather,
watchin the horde of said European men runnin after a god damn ball,
wishin it was me.

Imagine havin Cristiano try his damnest to push past 2 (or was it 3?) hugeass black men,
just tryin to get to me.

Imagine havin the young n gentlemanly Fabregas eyeing me with such intensity in his eyes.

And just imagine havin such close contact with my man, Torres.

*sighs*

Tt reminds me,
I've yet to put a collect call to him to ask him to cut his hair.
Can't stand it,
it's longer than mine le loh!!!!

*slaps self 2 times wake up wake up*

So Anyway,
amidst the lectures and ridiculous stares
tt galpal n I commanded from the 2 ill-mannered Singaporean men
whenever we opened our mouths to comment abt the match,
gorgeous galpal and I surprisingly found verification for her very famous theory.

U see,
besides urs truly who has a penchant for sprouting creative,
unthinkable theories,
she is blessed wit the gr8 fortune of havin a gorgeous galpal
who shares her lil hobby.

Sometime ago,
during our lil afternoon chat while havin our lil afternoon "high tea",
we were discussin abt boys (what else?) and height compatibility.

I remember my gorgeous galpal havin a thing for men above the height of 1.8m.
I remember myself doing stupid things for a guy ard tt height some 6 or 7 yrs ago.
And I remember our very almost-uncontrollable desire
to matchmake our very pollypocket fren with a Yao Ming-type ex-colleague.
And we are all very small-sized.

So it struck me,
what inconvenience tt wld pose.

Just imagine,
both of u are at ur void deck,
and he has just seen u safely home.
Underneath the romantic moonlight,
he smiled a mesmerizing smile to u.
And at that moment,
u jus knew tt he was going to kiss u,
n u want it too.

Just as ur eyes fluttered close in sweet anticipation,
he uttered, "Kanasai!" with a hand pressed to his sprained back.

Looks like u were too short for him to bend down to.

So u went on ur nxt date,
the romance was in the air again.
This time,
u raised on ur toes and closed ur eyes,
u pucker ur lips and reached skyward.

Keep reaching,
keep reaching,
keep reaching...

Nothing.

Ur alrdy at the tip of ur tip-toes,
U opened ur eyes to steal a peek at how much farther apart u both r,
only to see his eyes closed,
one complete foot away.

U know ur ill-destined lips can never meet.

So the nxt time,
U actually came prepared.

The stars came out just for u.
And it was just the two of u,
yet again.

Ur eyes meet and u knew it was the right moment.
He closes his eyes,
and begin bending down...
and u shout,

"Wait ah!!!Wait wait wait!!"

ran out of his arms,
returnin 5 min later,
wit ur hair plastered all over ur face,
oily and sadako-like.

U look at him in triumph,
opened up the tool in ur hands,
set it up,

"Now got ladder,
we can finally kiss!!!"

It wld've been such a turn-off!!!
And so doomed.

But galpal didn't think so,
bless her creative mind.
She actually proposed an alternative solution based on her theorem.

I call it Mu's theorem of horizontal analysis.

According to her,
the above scenario wld never happen bcos
"躺下来，都一样!!!" (Lie down everybody is the same one la!!)

And yes,
the theory was verified by a certain Mr Teo last night.

VERBALLY VERIFIED I MEAN.

U haf no idea how relief I was to hear tt.
Now we can stop curbin our urge to "intro" our pollypocket fren
to our other yao-ming-type fren.

Woohoo!!!

And aren't I glad for the threat tt coerced me out of my marketin meditation last night.
I so need a break.

And I,
读得头痛痛！！

2008-04-08T21:33:00.001+08:00

Mummy says I shd drink more milk.

I was merely taking her advice.

2008-04-07T22:47:00.007+08:00

U see,
all the hours of mugging and dealing with stress has led to some weight loss.

Therefore,
I had to take a break.

Aiya,
must put back what's lost mah!!!

So we hopped down to Plaza Parkroyal hotel last Thursday
with the gang from our beloved organisation.

Yeah,
u noe which one.

The one which suffered from a power failure today :X

Of cos we ate more than that.
And I'm pretty sure the weight gain exceeded the loss...

But fret not!!!!
Remember my famous theory tt u don't get fat if u didn't pay for the food!!!

Heng ah!!!!

Spot the REAL PSP!!!!
This is wat I call camouflage.
00 shd learn from PSP,
seriously.

So what if she's got 50% of the technician team panting after her?
学着点！！！

U've heard of the story of Cinderella I'm sure.
And u all know how beautiful it all is before the clock strikes 12

And then,
After Midnight!!!!!!!

I suppose I've been really lucky in all the jobs that I've dabbled in.
So lucky I wonder when Karma's gonna catch up with me
for all the mean things that came out of my mouth,
and for all the evil thought bubbles that I've been carrying above my head.

The jobs sure don't pay big bucks,
but the real remuneration comes in the form of the people I meet.

From the world's local bank,
I've got the good fortune to know the Young-At-Heart.

From our local Telco's Fat Green Pipe,
I've got to know DA SEASONS.

And from Shaking Legs,
these wonderful people who make the lousy bureaucracy tolerable.

Good times never last.
I'm not ashamed to admit tt I'm sad tt it's gonna end eventually.
Especially so when the end is looming just around the corner.

It may be immature of me to be feeling so.
Afterall,
job switching,
colleagues leaving
they are all part and parcel of life.
I should know better since
I've experienced many such partings myself.

But the thing is,
as far as I remember,
I'm always the one who left.

I guess it's true then,
what they say about the ones being left behind finding it the hardest to cope.

Probably because unlike the ones who leave,
the ones who got left behind really have nothing to look forward to.

And I try,
very hard
not to depress myself thinkin abt workin on
when the graduating students leave to pursue the nxt chapter of their lives.

Starting now,
I'll focus on enjoyin each and every single moment that I have within this warm cocoon
until its time for me to fly.

Even so,
I guess I'm still BLESSED.
Cos I still have Ms Ang!!!!!

Looks like Karma's gonna run faster to catch me!!!

That reminds me,
it's been TOO long since I've gone running.
Better start runnin again before I lose my stamina
and give Karma an advantage.....

Last but not least,
a happy pic to end off this suddenly-gone-emo-entry on a cheery note.

It'll be my turn nxt yr!!!
Everyone get ready to eat Chomp Chomp k?

No air-con,
don't like ah?

Kopitiam?
Banquet?

k la k la,
don't say I stingy
We eat Food Republic k.

2008-04-01T18:09:00.004+08:00

Everytime I blog,
I tell myself tt it's gonna b the last time I'm bloggin
until after the sickenin exams r over.

I don't know y I just never give up lying to myself.

I was very high the other day as we made our way out of the canteen of Chinese High,
and back to Management Hse.
I insisted tt it was the food,
the after-effects of lunch.

But secretly I think it's the lil boys runnin ard in shorts that does the trick :X

Or maybe,
it's just exam stress catchin up on me.

And last Saturday,
as usual,
we spent the hours after shakin legs,
shakin more legs at the HK cafe at Novena wit the dedicated svc officers,
0 0 , the girl who can't tell flirting from socialising,
PSP, the girl who dreams of owning a 24K golden tortoise
Zee, the girl who thinks tt I'm funny again,
Dew, the girl who was traumatised by the thot of havin CHAP CHAI PENG 4 lunch
and a Mr Shen whom our 00 thinks kept lookin at me.

Even as we were feeding our tortured stomachs,
we never drifted away from the larger society.

We were paying ALOT of attention to current affairs ok,
and through this lunch,
we all benefited from the knowledge tt

Filipinos will eat less rice frm tt day onwards in order to save national budget.

As reported from Channel News Asia.

I kid u not.

What a way to mobilise the entire nation into dieting!!
Rock on,
Philippines!!!!!!

2008-03-30T21:13:00.007+08:00

I was going thru my e-mails when I saw this.

[ FW: WHAT LOVE IS TO KIDS ]

As a sucker for such tofu sweetie supposedly touching mails,
I clicked to open it.
And was really surprised at what some kids have to say

" When my grandmother had arthritis,
she cldn't bend over to paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time,
Even when his hands got arthritis too.
That's love. -- Rebecca aged 8 "

" Love is when mummy sees daddy sweaty and smelly
and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford --- Chris aged 7 "

" During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared.
I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that.
I wasn't scared anymore --- Cindy aged 8 "

I find it really amazing what kids notice
and how they interpret the things they notice.
For someone their age,
they sure notice alot,
and their understanding goes beyond what we expect of them.

Maybe it's due to them living their lives without a care in their pretty lil minds.
It's like a fresh sheet of paper,
untainted.

It makes me so envious of them.

I was reading sth the other day,
probably some Psychology stuff.

It says that in general,
people usually believe the best of people,
until they are proven wrong.
And when that happens,
their minds wld work such tt they will always only remember the bad stuff abt said person.
Evolutionary psychologists attribute it to ppl's instinctive survival needs,
our desire to protect ourselves from harm.

So little kids, without their wary shell,
sees things for what they are.
They are really seeing things for what they are,
uncomplicated images without the distortion of the self-protect mechanism.

It is really heartwarming seeing such e-mails.
It really puts me to shame when I think abt what I notice.

Just last Fri,
I was studying in the sch's library.
As I was furiously struggling with the stupid optimisation problems of an oligopolistic firm,
the guy in the cubicle to my right whispered to someone in the cubicle opposite him.
Very naturally,
upon hearing what he said,
my head shot up in an attempt to take a look at the person he was talking to.

No,
it wasn't anything especially warm or touching that he said.
In complete contrast to the sweet lil kids of the world,
noticing all the significant moments dressed under the disguise of the monotony of everyday life,
he caught my attention simply by saying this

"Why u wear so nice today? Meeting boyfren later ah?"

And I just had to take a look at how NICE is nice.

It isn't SUPER nice,
but it's at least 3549 times nicer than the profit function I've worked out
for the stupid oligopoly problem.

Like I said,
it is really mind-boggling,
what age does to the human mind.

On the other hand,
u may argue that kids are just getting smarter,
growing up faster,
younger.

Allow me to share some other stuff that some other kids have said in that same e-mail
to illustrate my point.

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired -- Terri aged 4"

He is so NOT stupid
( Pun intended... remember Terri? u noe, the fat guy from I NOT STUPID?)
Not convinced?
Let me introduce u to Bobby.

"Love is what's in the room with you at christmas
if u stop opening presents and just
listen --- Bobby aged 7"

PHWOAR!!

I have always thought tt the name Bobby is the most perfect name for a golder retriever.
Looks like I'm wrong.
Bobby sounds like a potential serial heart-breaker,
someone well-versed in the art of sweet-talking.

I tell u, this is VERY high level ok!!!
I have not met even a single guy my age who have achieved such an attainment.

Equally mind-boggling,
is evolution.

Sometimes I wonder if our world is moving at too fast a pace.
Times like this,
I wonder abt those being left behind.

And I hope I won't ever become one of them.

* Zee, I was originally in a collaggie mood. I intended to do up nicely pics from our ritual lunch, but my hp refused to load....I'll do them up n post them in the nxt entry so u can rip.

2008-03-25T23:29:00.005+08:00

I'm blogging an awful lot lately.
And I tell myself this is advanced compensation
for my foreseen prolonged absence in the next few weeks to come
as I drag myself relunctantly off to

STUDY CAMP

Our ritual Lunch after the SHAKE LEG MAKE MONEY SESSION SAT.

Last Sat not rly shaking much legs thoh.

Nevertheless,

lunch was everthebest wit the usual khakis,

Ms Zee the Schizophrenic who became Ms/Mr Zee the sexy voice,

Ms Hong Yu Zhen 小姐,

and Boss,

the Miss-knoweverythingundertheuniverse

who happens to be a potential hotshot executive at MLynch.

Thank goodness for them.
I wldn't haf had enuf sanity to sit thru my afternoon Psycho Class otherwise.

It must've been the Psycho Saturday class
or the accidental exchange of breath with Ms/Mr Zee,
that I fell sick on Sunday.

But u noe wat?
Fortunately, there's this drug called the LK-pill.

Heard it's rly effective especially if u haf some S-POP to wash it down with.

And don't overdo it,
just 2/3 of the pill will do.

Remember,
don't be greedy,
good things shd come in lil doses.
I will not be responsible for ur diminishing marginal returns.

Received a call from a very missed voice earlier this evenin on my way hm.
Hearing his hearty laughter,
familiar crappy conversations,
it was just mindless laughter among
3 frens who had not met up in full set for the longest time.

I was rly happy for Bak Kwa.
So I told Deer,

"Seeing his roundness makes me extremely forgiveable towards his happiness"

U see,
he was building his happiness on our misery.
All his post-exams-joy.....
but u noe wat?

I feel comforted just seeing his horizontal growth.

Ok, so I lied.
I didn't blog cos I was trying to make up for my impending absence.

U shd noe I'm not THAT nice.

U noe it's just the feeling of
u noe u shd be doing sth else,
like mugging ur head off for example,
but u just can't bring urself to.

So u head to the computer,
turn it on,
and try to convince urself tt u're really doing sth productive,

sth bigger that benefits the GREATER GOOD of mankind.

I know,
I'm the biggest liar in the whole wide world.

And I know,
my throat's just gonna get worst.

2008-03-20T21:22:00.003+08:00

Germans are not only good at brewing beer,
drinking beer,
bringing Nivea to us,
goal-keeping,
they are also VERY good at producing

GERMAN MEN

During the "cups",
German players like Lahm, Schneider, and Podolski drove me nuts.
During the very brain-draining 6hrs Managerial Econs UOL lecture,
this German man, Tobias drove me into a giggly feat.
*sigh*

I love his accented English.

He is so brilliently smart,
(I think pple who study game theory and strategy are geniuses!!)
charming beyond words,
and despite his reiteration that

"I am German. Germans are not funny, but we are very very punctual"

Trust me,
he is DAMN funny,
albeit in a dry British way.

And he is OH-SO-PATIENT and well-mannered....
Can u see the hearts shooting out of my eyes yet?

Now I begin to see a ray of light for ME.
He makes travelling to the godforsaken Management Hse for lecture worth it.

Yes, that is a pic of him.
After letting Steve Taylor walk away last yr,
I decided I wanted no more regrets.
I wanted a nice pic wit Tobias,
but he was swamped by the irritating Cheena-freaks with super extra time-wasting questions all the way till 5.15pm until my poor man almost missed his cab.
So I just snapped him wit my trusty K800i.

And mind u,
I'm not the only fanatic one.

There's this girl who snapped him during lecture can?

Now that's someone who like me,
has exquisite taste.

Where was I?

Right,
for those who haven't been there,
The Management house really looked like a retirement home for the rich.
And they say SIM is a non-profit organisation....

yeah right~

The long stretch of road leading in to the god-forsaken building,
the beautiful interior,
and the pathetically small and inefficient canteen screamed otherwise.

Come on loh,
that place is meant to be driven in can?
And pple are meant to eat out.
The canteen is really,
just for show.

Now I remember the idea of a non-profit organisation.
My local ME lecturer, Ting Ting,
makes a hell lot of sense.
He posed this question to the class last yr,
during Intro to Econs.

Why do firms still want to continue to operate despite making normal profits?

Because no profits only meant tt the firms do not retain their profits.
it does not mean that the firm is poor,
nor does it mean that the price charged is fair and barely sustainable for solvency.

It SO does not mean that consumers are NOT exploited.

It merely means that the shareholders' trousers
are bulging at their pockets.

2008-03-18T21:51:00.004+08:00

Last Wednesday,
while the bunch of SIM mates and I were strolling along Bugis,
a strange guy ran up to us.

He claimed that my friend and I just walked past his manager
and we caught her eye.
She is thus really interested in talking to us.
He gave us her name card, told us to check out the webby (uanworld.com)
and asked for our no.,
claimin that said manager would love to contact us to arrange for an interview
and hastened off in a rush.

Stunned, babelicious fren and I gave our no.s and obediently checked out the webby.

It's been a long long time since this Aunty here was given an ego boost.
Maybe it's karma,
but it was eons ago since I was last approached/ hit on by males/females.
So naturally I was excited.

It came as a relief,
more than anything else.
It feels good to know that
my hair is not tt cheena-fied afterall.
And even if I looked like a cheena-kia,
at least I am an attractive one OKAY!!

So today,
babelicious friend and I headed down to the office for the interview.
The manager was really really really nice.
She told us how the company worked,
that for every assignment that we take on,
they'd take a 25% cut.
They even showed us their artistes who later joined mediacorp.
Famous ones like Jeanette Aw, Dawn Yeoh, Rosalinda Pho, etc etc.

It was really impressive.

What was even more impressive was the conversation that went on among the group beside us.
Apparently,
there's this bunch of si gin nas,
one of whom was approached by another agent,
who brought with her an entourage of girlfrens,
whom I believed,
were all hoping to be signed on.
(unfortunately, only THAT girl was given the application form)

Call me bitchy,
call me a psychologically unbalanced,
over-aged,
jealous ah lian
but,
kanasai!!
Their skirts are micro mini,
and their faces macham wayang sia!!!!!
Even Lao Niang doesn't slather on THAT much make-up when vanity creeps up on me.

Someone has to educate them on how bad too much make-up is for their skin.

So anyway,
I think the agent was pretty irritated by the bunch of kids so she asked the girl,

"How do you see urself fitting into UAN?"

"Oh, actually I'm quite interested in trying out modelling"

"Models have to be tall. You're still young, maybe u can take up skipping 1st?"

Si Gin Nas will be Si Gin Nas.

For those of you who are interested to know how our interview went,
basically,
she complemented on the uniqueness of babelicious fren's looks,
asked her if she was Peranakan,
and was all but drooling over her.

In contrast,
she told me that my features are very unmistakably Asian
(read: ordinary)
And then she asked if it ever crossed my mind to get braces done,
" U noe, ur complexion is rly gd, n if u get braces, u'll look even more presentable"

Even more presentable...

Gr8.

I guess I don't have to elaborate anymore huh?

Maybe when we walked past her the 1st time,
we sped by u see,
and she didn't spot the Dracula tooth on me,
nor my small beady eyes....

maybe she just needs specs.

*smiles sweetly*

After the interview
(FYI, I was still offered a place, it's just tt Babelicious fren and I do not have com cards, n we didn't wanna incur such capital expenses.....)
and the shattering of a potential career,
we loitered ard in search of ourselves,
and our future goals in life.

And we ended back in Bugis.

Sitting our butts down at TCC,
I have finally found the direction that my life's meant to take.
At 21 + yrs of life,
I have finally come to realise what I really really really would love to be.

TAI TAI

This is no joke ok?
Babelicious fren and I were really serious abt it.
We even came up with potential candidates like the boss of TCC,
or his son.
And we even came up with a plan on how to go abt splitting his fortune and branches.

Like I said,
we were DEAD SERIOUS.

I was also dead serious abt alot of things,
such as emulating my fave blogger.

And I tell u,
the way she takes pictures is no joke k!!
Tough work!!
U will never know until u try.
U'll end up with dozens and dozens of failed pics.
and when u finally succeed,
I tell u,
the gratification is like

CATHARSIS

*sigh

Try it if u don't believe me.

So the beautiful Tuesday afternoon was spent with my babelicious fren,
Ms Bimbo Chen.

It is amazing how we've known each other since secondary 3,
yet never really knew each other at all.

I used to ask my JC mates this question,
during the days when insecurities got the better of me.

Do you think the reason we stuck together as a clique was bcos we don't rly have a choice?

I used to think that it is circumstances that forced people together.
And I'm glad to find out that
it is really not so.

Circumstances,
They merely give people the opportunity to know one another
better.

2008-03-17T11:45:00.003+08:00

14/03/2008 @ MOS

I didn't drink as much as I'd like,
partly due to the fact that I had the runs in the afternoon thanks to the Kimchi that I had for lunch.

The Kimchi from United Square's foodcourt.

The other reason is none other than the fact that I thought that it is hypocritical to consume drinks from ppl whom I do not particularly like.
Ok, not that I detest them,
but,
I just don't have good vibes about them.
And if I drink the stuff that they paid for,
when I don't like them,
and have no intention to ever see them again,
it violates my own principles.

Althoh I was quite gian for alcohol (thx to the mock exams),
it takes more than that for me to sell myself ok?
I still wanna wake up in the morning and be able to look at myself in the mirror,
and be proud of the girl lookin back at me.

Sometime ago,
I caught The Leap Years with Ms AM.
I remember her telling me that she regretted jumping into relationships so easily in the past.

In the show,
Jeremy said sth along the lines of
it takes alot of courage to wait for that special someone,
because it is difficult being alone.

Ms AM,
I hope u have that courage to avoid that very same pitfall.
That said,
I will still support you in whatever decision u will make.

Just,
make sure that u do so AFTER ur exams.

There are other more important things in life than love,
especially love that may not last.

In the show,
Lee-Ann chose to chase her dream.

I'm not cynical enough to laugh at her naivete.
I think we all should be like her,
provided that like her,
we already have tangible successes in the field of career to call our own,
provided that like her,
we alrdy have the other aspects of life sorted out and in order,
provided that like her,

we have the safety net called solid reality to fall back on.

2008-03-16T14:39:00.002+08:00

A quick update.
Will blog proper soon.
More pics as soon as I get them.

The pple who make sch THAT much better.

Besides eating, wat else can LK do?

Take pictures!!!!!!
N play lesbians!!!!
Correction,
only dew n wo play lesbians.

N of cos, Ur fren here can make quaint collages.

That said,

nothing can beat your fren here who garangly went for her half day of shake-leg-make money session, and planned activities for the rest of the day,

all that with only an hour and a half of nap.

Back to my Korean hunks!!!

2008-02-28T18:10:00.002+08:00

Why have I not gone running today?
Why did I choose to go for a swim instead of my evenin run yesterday?

Because,
2 days ago,
after my evenin jog,

I ran into

JOHN CHENG EN LU

Yes,
AGAIN.

*puts hand on forehead and swoons in disbelief*

If I hadn't known abt his preference for a particular type of girl,
which,
obviously isn't me,
I'd have thought he was stalkin me.

Maybe I shd just do what Jade Seah does,
wear make-up,
do up the hair and invest in gorgeous gym clothes to exercise nxt time.

At least I wldn't feel thoroughly embarrassed
when a familiar face pats me on my shoulders just after I finished my run.

Or,
I cld just stay hm and get fat and ugly,
since exams are round the corner and nobody would c me anyway :P

2008-02-19T19:48:00.002+08:00

Picks up the spider between two fingers,
and flicks it at the idiot brother sitting a distance away,
lost in the world of his PSP.

With a huff and a puff,
she blows off the cobwebs,
chokes *cough cough*
and struggles to call to mind her password to her blogger ID.

No wonder they say the retention span of a goldfish's memory is 3 seconds.

I stink,
and I look like bird shit that's scrapped off the pavement
only to be splattered on the windshield of a lao pok kai car
belonging to an extremely suay owner.

And I'm blogging now because less than 15min ago,

I ran into JOHN CHENG EN LU who was on the way back from sch,
so u can pretty much imagine tt he looked pretty decent.

I still can't decide wat's worst,
running into him in the pathetic state I was in,
which was right after my evenin jog,
or

having him recognise the very fugly me,
which I thought was VERY VERY diff from the NORMAL way I look.

It thoroughly spoils my mood tt contrary to my belief,
I do NOT look very diff when I dress up,
which means,

I am CHUI 24/7.

I'm so sinking into depression.

*sobs*

2008-01-19T23:15:00.000+08:00

In order to ensure that the option of having a roof over my head in 35 yrs time will not be withdrawn,
I've decided to update this humble space of mine in order to pacify my provider.

Right,
so what have I been up to lately?

Nothing much,
and I do mean nothing much.

The most exciting purchase I made recently has got to be the 4.2ml Pental liquid paper
which cost me a whopping $2.50 after discount.
Gone were the days when u can buy the 12ml one for $3.80 with a super power Pental eraser
thrown in as free gift to sweeten the deal.
The price of that very long-life product has since escalated to $4.50
since the last time I bought it,
which was more than 3 yrs ago.

*HUGE SIGH*

Life is getting harder!!

So the most exciting thing that happened has got to be the violence in the office resulting in
the once-in-a-lifetime-experience of having warm tea soak thru the denim of my jeans,
the struggle to wash it out,
as well as the professionalism in continuing to work and assist the idiots who call in with increasing retardedness,
standing on my feet the whole time while waiting for the wetness on my butt to dry,
and the aroma of teh to fade away.

The cause of the violence?
I can't seem to recall.
Must be some really insignificant spark.
The source of the violence though,
permeates my memory vividly.

No wonder they say mistresses have no say,
and that ultimately,
they will be used and tossed away
once the provider has found someone new.

And my provider has found someone new.

*huge sigh*

So what else have I been up to?
Nope,
I haven't gone clubbing,
neither have I touched alcohol since the yr started.

I've been fighting with the PRCs and Indonesians for study tables in SIM.
But apparently,
because of the weird cultures and beliefs of these foreigners,
for instance our fellow Chinese don't wash their hands after they finish their business in the toilets,
they actually have developed some really special powers such that we Singaporeans can never defeat them when it comes to fighting for tables and talking at an impossibly high pitch and tone.
And because I refuse to learn from them,
and coat my hands in germs and what-have-you,
I have gradually meditated and obtained a higher level of attainment by
transforming into a part of the furniture in Ngee An poly's library.

Also,
I've been keeping to my word
of training in order to participate as a referee in the next world cup,
by leavin my prints on the ONLY BLUE TRACK in Singapore,
together with my 小朋友, Wee Jie Yin.

Well,
the exercise is extremely necessary
as I bought my new yr clothes really early,
and besides the perceived outcome risk of these apparels losing their fashionability,
these days of isolation and attempted mugging is really detrimental to my already gone figure.

So I face the risk of not being able to FIT as well.

And I've also found out a really interesting thing this week from my new friends over at the
BBC world service about the lives of doctors, healthcare professionals and intellectuals over at Poland.
And since my provider had ceased her add-a-knowledge section,
I've decided to share this tidbit of info with everyone so that we can all be

Intellectual 正妹s!!

Apparently, it is common for them to hold two jobs in order to sustain their living.
This is attributed to the remnants of the comuunist state that they were previously.
In the past,
educated people were viewed as a threat to stability while labourers,
people who worked the lands with their hands were seen as assets.
Although central control has already been abolished,
sadly,
the mentality still remains.
So one of the alternatives that Polish doctors actually did in order to not hold an additional job,
is to drive 12hrs to neighbouring Aberdeen in Britain to take house calls once every other weekend,
since the English doctors make more than enough to reject these long journeys and tiring assignments.

So yes,
now u see why I haven't been blogging,
my life is just TOO entertaining to be captured in words.

Back to marketing essay~